Usually around this time of year I'm all sentimental as I remember things that have happened over the past year. Not so much this year. It's kind of sucked.
Sure, some good things happened. I graduated NOVA. I got into GMU and I'm kicking ass there. But in other areas, it hasn't been so great.
I know people say it's pointless to make resolutions because almost no one follows through with them. But I have a simple resolution this year that hopefully will be easy to keep. Next year I will try one new thing a month, or do something outside my comfort zone. Next week I'm going to a gay bar with Baybhee and Ally, so January is covered. I'm talking to Tracy about letting me come out to visit her in Alaska so that should take care of May. I'd love to go skydiving (not sure that one will happen). But it doesn't even have to be things that are major. Trying a new type of food would count (people at work keep talking about Ethiopian. Doesn't sound fantastic, but it's worth a shot, right?)
Some things I'm hoping will happen next year:
First, I'd like to NOT lose anymore friends. October was a total blower because of Chris.
I'd like to continue kicking ass at Mason.
I'd like for work drama to go down a notch (or two or ten).
I'd like to start socializing more...which plays into the resolution.
I'd like to start eating healthier and exercising more so I lose some weight.
Well, I'm heading back upstairs to type before I go to dinner and ring in the New Year. Everyone be safe, and happy 2011!
For some reason, this song always makes me cry. But after watching the video, I want to spend next new year in London. lol
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Happy Christmas Eve, Eve.
Or something.
Got an early Christmas present from Mason. I have a 3.5 gpa. =) That's the highest I've ever had. If I had had a different teacher from ENG325 I probably would have had a 4.0, but my professor was an insane grader and I never had any idea where I stood with him. He kept telling me I was too hard in my critiques of the books we were reading... but silly me thinking when someone says "I'll value your opinion if you can back it up with references from the text" means I can say whatever I want with justification from the text.
Whatever. I'm so over it.
Or will be eventually.
On a happier note, I've been typing nearly every night. Last night wasn't such a great night. I was exhausted because I drove out to Leebsurg yesterday morning and worked six hours out there then drove an hour to Springfield and worked three more hours. I typed about a page and a half last night and then collapsed. Today I typed about sixteen. Now mind you, I'm revising. So what I'm doing is looking at what I already have and adding/tweaking. But I still think 16 pages is pretty remarkable.
Welp. I'm only staying awake in order to make sure the Steelers win (it was 27-0 last time I checked and we're in the 4th quarter so I think we have this one) so I'm gonna get off to bed.
Sweet dreams!
I'm in love with this song. And this show. lol
...and the original just for shits and giggles. Gotta say, it's a lot more harsh with F*ck You instead of Forget You. haha
Got an early Christmas present from Mason. I have a 3.5 gpa. =) That's the highest I've ever had. If I had had a different teacher from ENG325 I probably would have had a 4.0, but my professor was an insane grader and I never had any idea where I stood with him. He kept telling me I was too hard in my critiques of the books we were reading... but silly me thinking when someone says "I'll value your opinion if you can back it up with references from the text" means I can say whatever I want with justification from the text.
Whatever. I'm so over it.
Or will be eventually.
On a happier note, I've been typing nearly every night. Last night wasn't such a great night. I was exhausted because I drove out to Leebsurg yesterday morning and worked six hours out there then drove an hour to Springfield and worked three more hours. I typed about a page and a half last night and then collapsed. Today I typed about sixteen. Now mind you, I'm revising. So what I'm doing is looking at what I already have and adding/tweaking. But I still think 16 pages is pretty remarkable.
Welp. I'm only staying awake in order to make sure the Steelers win (it was 27-0 last time I checked and we're in the 4th quarter so I think we have this one) so I'm gonna get off to bed.
Sweet dreams!
I'm in love with this song. And this show. lol
...and the original just for shits and giggles. Gotta say, it's a lot more harsh with F*ck You instead of Forget You. haha
Saturday, December 18, 2010
New Pet Peeve
School is finally over. YAY! Exams officially ended for me Thursday after I submitted my final paper, but I think I might have mentioned that in my last update. ANYWAYS... I'm really excited because I've got a pile of books sitting in a corner that have been collecting dust since August when life blew up and suddenly I had more work than hours in the day. But now I get to pick up a book and read! For pleasure! It's remarkable!
...enter new pet peeve...
I picked up this book called Matched by Ally Condie because I'd heard it was good. When I was checking out at Borders the girl at the register even said something like, "Oh I want to buy this book I know so many people that have read it and just LOVED it." So I was really enthused. Maybe my problem is I'm still grabbing books from the Young Adult section, but this woman's writing is not any better than mine. In fact, I felt like I was back in a creative writing workshop as I started reading it. I read the first couple of pages and I haven't gone back to it because I'm a little jealous this woman managed to get published.
...with that being said, I'd like to point out to myself that I haven't actually tried to get anything published, so it's not like I can actually be bitter that this woman is published. Besides, it's all about who you know and maybe this woman knows someone. I mean, that's how Stephenie Meyer got published...
On a different note... went to see Tangled with Cammie, Becky and Beedge today. OMG it was so cute. It was Cammie's first time in a movie theater and she made it through 90% of the movie without a fuss. But the wonderful thing was, when she did get antsy, Beedge took her out so Becky and I could enjoy the movie. It's my new favorite Disney movie. No joke. It was adorable. I recommend that everyone go out and see it. Pronto. Twice.
Because it's a Disney movie there aren't any leaked portions on youtube... but that's a really funny fake ad and it contains one of my favorite parts...when her hair heals Eugene. =)
Happy Saturday!
...enter new pet peeve...
I picked up this book called Matched by Ally Condie because I'd heard it was good. When I was checking out at Borders the girl at the register even said something like, "Oh I want to buy this book I know so many people that have read it and just LOVED it." So I was really enthused. Maybe my problem is I'm still grabbing books from the Young Adult section, but this woman's writing is not any better than mine. In fact, I felt like I was back in a creative writing workshop as I started reading it. I read the first couple of pages and I haven't gone back to it because I'm a little jealous this woman managed to get published.
...with that being said, I'd like to point out to myself that I haven't actually tried to get anything published, so it's not like I can actually be bitter that this woman is published. Besides, it's all about who you know and maybe this woman knows someone. I mean, that's how Stephenie Meyer got published...
On a different note... went to see Tangled with Cammie, Becky and Beedge today. OMG it was so cute. It was Cammie's first time in a movie theater and she made it through 90% of the movie without a fuss. But the wonderful thing was, when she did get antsy, Beedge took her out so Becky and I could enjoy the movie. It's my new favorite Disney movie. No joke. It was adorable. I recommend that everyone go out and see it. Pronto. Twice.
Because it's a Disney movie there aren't any leaked portions on youtube... but that's a really funny fake ad and it contains one of my favorite parts...when her hair heals Eugene. =)
Happy Saturday!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Capote
Why do films that are based off real events change substantial facts? Like names? I'm sitting down with Capote which I've only heard good things about... and I'm already annoyed that they've changed the names of Nancy's best friend and boyfriend. For anyone who hasn't seen Capote or doesn't know the storyline: the movie follows Truman Capote as he investigates the murders of the Clutter family in order to write his book In Cold Blood. We just read In Cold Blood in class so I'm very familiar with the story of the murders (not so much with his research of the incident). But Nancy's best friend's name is Susan (not Laura) and her boyfriend's name was Bobby (not Daniel). Why would you change something like that??? I would understand maybe protecting these people... but the film was made in 2005 and Capote's book came out in the 60's. Helloooo... their identities are already out there.
Also, Philip Seymour Hoffman reminds me of the kid who plays in A Christmas Story. If Capote was this annoying in real life, I don't see how Harper Lee was actually friends with him...
Alright, I'm done critiquing the film (damn my film class) and I'm going back to enjoy it (or at least try).
Also, Philip Seymour Hoffman reminds me of the kid who plays in A Christmas Story. If Capote was this annoying in real life, I don't see how Harper Lee was actually friends with him...
Alright, I'm done critiquing the film (damn my film class) and I'm going back to enjoy it (or at least try).
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
zZzZzZ
| ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population. |
Dad emailed me the link to take that test... I think it might be true. Dunno. Saw the results, saw that I could post them and that was pretty much the end of my attention span. There might possibly be a link somewhere there so that you people can take the test. Take it and let me know what you got. We can compare answers like we're in high school comparing test grades! haha
Came up with a description today and I'm not sure if I like it enough to use it. There was a lady at Outback tonight with a really long nose and I said "Jesus, her nose looks like a ski slope." Will I use it in some of my writings? TBD.
I have off tomorrow because we're dead so I'm going to go type! =) I love this free time stuff!
I love this Christmas song. Still in denial that Christmas is next week though.
Monday, December 13, 2010
If it's not like the movies
So I was thinking about this today:
People keep telling me I'm too picky when it comes to guys. This is ridiculous. Why wouldn't I be picky? I'm looking for my "better" half... not my worse half. Hellloooo...
I'll concede. I know I'm a little picky. But can you blame me for not trusting wholeheartedly in love?
Something else I was thinking about today... and this is spurred by my discovery of my old LiveJournal. How can you expect to be happy in a relationship if you aren't happy in life? I'm not saying that if my life was a little more perfect in high school than it was I'd still be with Matt. But goodness no wonder things didn't work out. I was so unhappy. I turned to him to provide me with the things in life I thought I was missing and ended up acting like an ass to him. Maybe that's why the divorce rate is so high. People need to understand you have to make yourself happy before you can be happy with others.
Today's enlightening thought brought to you by Stephanie. LOL
New favorite song by Katy Perry. Not like the Movies.
People keep telling me I'm too picky when it comes to guys. This is ridiculous. Why wouldn't I be picky? I'm looking for my "better" half... not my worse half. Hellloooo...
I'll concede. I know I'm a little picky. But can you blame me for not trusting wholeheartedly in love?
Something else I was thinking about today... and this is spurred by my discovery of my old LiveJournal. How can you expect to be happy in a relationship if you aren't happy in life? I'm not saying that if my life was a little more perfect in high school than it was I'd still be with Matt. But goodness no wonder things didn't work out. I was so unhappy. I turned to him to provide me with the things in life I thought I was missing and ended up acting like an ass to him. Maybe that's why the divorce rate is so high. People need to understand you have to make yourself happy before you can be happy with others.
Today's enlightening thought brought to you by Stephanie. LOL
New favorite song by Katy Perry. Not like the Movies.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Flashback.
Not a lot to update about... I'm about to start finals at school. I've actually only got 1 test to take this week, the other two classes just require papers. For the sports doc class I have to write a 7-8 page paper comparing three films and I'm at the bottom of page 6 and only halfway through the second film... so needless to say I'm going to email the teacher and see if I can't drop the third film. Other people were only doing two films so I don't think it should be a problem, but we'll see.
Friday night Thor (the night receptionist, not the thunder god) came up behind me doing that little snap/clap combination that I can never seem to get down and then kind of stood right behind me looking over my shoulder. He reminded me so much of Chris in that moment that I had to push away from my desk and ask him to not do that again. So I'm sure Thor now thinks I'm completely nuts (but lets face it, it's not that far off base).
I rediscovered another online blog that I had from 2003-2007. And get this, I managed to post almost every day. Shocker! So I've spent most of my free time this weekend reading back through all of the entries. Needless to say, it's been a bit surreal. It's like reading through a really bad history book. I never realized how depressed I was in 2005. Or how obsessed I was with my high school boyfriend, despite living 300 miles from him. Also, only a few posts about James and I, but I read them and wanted to reach through the computer screen and shake my former self. How I ever let that relationship last for over a month is beyond me. Also interesting is how often my mom and I fought and how much I hated my dad.
Obviously when you look back on something, you're going to remember it differently than how it actually happened. Time seems to warp events in peoples' heads, and my head was no different. Reading back through things, I remember a lot of stuff a lot better than it actually was. Take my relationship with Matt for instance. I always think that we just kind of drifted apart. In actuality, I was a bitch... and then we drifted apart. I was so miserable with life when I was with him that I ended up taking a lot of things out on him and for some crazy reason he stayed with me. I'm not going to say we didn't drift apart, because we did. But maybe our breakup(s) didn't have to be so bad. Maybe if I hadn't been such an awful person, we'd still be friends now. But it is what it is.
Also interesting is to read back through all of my entires about Domino's. I miss that crew. We had such a good time together.
I also miss Tara and Tracy like crazy. Those two were my absolute best friends for four years and I barely talk to them anymore. I mean, with Tracy it's somewhat understandable. She lives in Alaska and we had a pretty big falling out a couple years ago that we haven't quite recovered from. But Tara lives in Alexandria. No excuses there. Thank god Sara and I are still so close. Otherwise I'd consider myself a huge failure. And I know time changes and people change... but seriously.
So as a result of all the dug up memories, I had the strangest dream last night. I was back with Matt and he joined the military... and we moved to.... Alaska. LOL. Tracy was there and she couldn't understand why I hated Alaska so much. Our neighborhood (because naturally we were neighbors) was 50 miles from civilization of any type and we had to hunt for our food. It was the strangest thing.
But anyways, I think I've procrastinated from my paper for long enough.
I love this song. It's my new favorite.
totally forgot! I was going to post a link to the livejournal so you guys can take a look into my head from seven years ago. Enjoy =)
http://lilpizzagurl.livejournal.com/
Friday night Thor (the night receptionist, not the thunder god) came up behind me doing that little snap/clap combination that I can never seem to get down and then kind of stood right behind me looking over my shoulder. He reminded me so much of Chris in that moment that I had to push away from my desk and ask him to not do that again. So I'm sure Thor now thinks I'm completely nuts (but lets face it, it's not that far off base).
I rediscovered another online blog that I had from 2003-2007. And get this, I managed to post almost every day. Shocker! So I've spent most of my free time this weekend reading back through all of the entries. Needless to say, it's been a bit surreal. It's like reading through a really bad history book. I never realized how depressed I was in 2005. Or how obsessed I was with my high school boyfriend, despite living 300 miles from him. Also, only a few posts about James and I, but I read them and wanted to reach through the computer screen and shake my former self. How I ever let that relationship last for over a month is beyond me. Also interesting is how often my mom and I fought and how much I hated my dad.
Obviously when you look back on something, you're going to remember it differently than how it actually happened. Time seems to warp events in peoples' heads, and my head was no different. Reading back through things, I remember a lot of stuff a lot better than it actually was. Take my relationship with Matt for instance. I always think that we just kind of drifted apart. In actuality, I was a bitch... and then we drifted apart. I was so miserable with life when I was with him that I ended up taking a lot of things out on him and for some crazy reason he stayed with me. I'm not going to say we didn't drift apart, because we did. But maybe our breakup(s) didn't have to be so bad. Maybe if I hadn't been such an awful person, we'd still be friends now. But it is what it is.
Also interesting is to read back through all of my entires about Domino's. I miss that crew. We had such a good time together.
I also miss Tara and Tracy like crazy. Those two were my absolute best friends for four years and I barely talk to them anymore. I mean, with Tracy it's somewhat understandable. She lives in Alaska and we had a pretty big falling out a couple years ago that we haven't quite recovered from. But Tara lives in Alexandria. No excuses there. Thank god Sara and I are still so close. Otherwise I'd consider myself a huge failure. And I know time changes and people change... but seriously.
So as a result of all the dug up memories, I had the strangest dream last night. I was back with Matt and he joined the military... and we moved to.... Alaska. LOL. Tracy was there and she couldn't understand why I hated Alaska so much. Our neighborhood (because naturally we were neighbors) was 50 miles from civilization of any type and we had to hunt for our food. It was the strangest thing.
But anyways, I think I've procrastinated from my paper for long enough.
I love this song. It's my new favorite.
totally forgot! I was going to post a link to the livejournal so you guys can take a look into my head from seven years ago. Enjoy =)
http://lilpizzagurl.livejournal.com/
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Important lesson
I'm sure everyone has been somewhere where a cell phone (whether your own or someone around you) has gone off unexpectedly, interrupting perfect silence, or near silence, or an important conversation. Or even to be more general, we've all had cell phones go off while we're in public. Now, when I pick ringtones out I typically pick ones that don't embarass me if someone other than myself hears it.
I was sitting in class today, half falling asleep because my teacher has a horrible tendency of going on and on and on about something he's passionate about but that the rest of us just don't give a damn about, and he was in between thought processes when a girl's cell phone went off from the back of the room. Now, having a cell phone go off is embarassing enough in a class, but needless to say she has to be very thankful that we only have one week left of class so she doesn't have to see any of us ever again. Her ring tone was a mechanical voice saying "I am NOT a whore. I am NOT a whore." Then, to make matters worse (or better, depending on your viewpoint) she couldn't silence the phone so we got to listen to about twenty seconds of her phone reminding her that she's not a whore. While, of course, the rest of the class is thinking the exact opposite. Maybe this is supposed to be her alarm clock for those nights out at bars? A nice perky reminder in the morning that she has nothing to be ashamed of? haha... I'll stop being mean.
I was sitting in class today, half falling asleep because my teacher has a horrible tendency of going on and on and on about something he's passionate about but that the rest of us just don't give a damn about, and he was in between thought processes when a girl's cell phone went off from the back of the room. Now, having a cell phone go off is embarassing enough in a class, but needless to say she has to be very thankful that we only have one week left of class so she doesn't have to see any of us ever again. Her ring tone was a mechanical voice saying "I am NOT a whore. I am NOT a whore." Then, to make matters worse (or better, depending on your viewpoint) she couldn't silence the phone so we got to listen to about twenty seconds of her phone reminding her that she's not a whore. While, of course, the rest of the class is thinking the exact opposite. Maybe this is supposed to be her alarm clock for those nights out at bars? A nice perky reminder in the morning that she has nothing to be ashamed of? haha... I'll stop being mean.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
*cough cough*
So it seems totally redunant to say "I'm a baaaaad baaaad blogger" so, other than saying that much, I'll refrain from comment.
So what's been going on with me in the past month, you ask?
School.
Work.
School work.
Rinse, repeat.
Did a really stupid thing last week. I bought a MAC (not the stupid thing, lol) and I was transfering music from my old laptop to the new mac via my flashdrive because iTunes is a bitch about transfering music. Well in the process of loading the flash drive, copying files to the mac, and deleting the music in order to make room for more... I deleted a folder containing about thirty pages worth of manuscript for my novel "Life gets in the way" based off my friendship with Chris.
Needless to say, I was pissed.
But, in the spirit of trying to see everything in a "cup is half full" mantra, I'm trying not to be upset about it. Either this is a sign that Chris wasn't too happy about my writing... or it was a sign I can do better. I'm going to take it as a sign that I can do better. So I sat down last Friday night and attempted to start retyping it... and I just wasn't feeling the retype. I got a page and a half into it and stopped. Hopefully the spirit will move me again to start writing it... because I'm really thinking this might provide some closure with the whole situation (I'm grasping at straws here... notice I said that I was hoping to find closure from burning the letter to him? Yeah, closure is still missing.).
Over the weekend, my friend Ann (who is an amazing writer and also an incredible person) hosted a little get together at her house with some of her female writing friends. The process was amazing. I was the youngest one there... I think the woman closest in age to me was probably in her mid thirties. Everyone else was married... married/divorced... married with kids... married/divorced with kids... etc. It was very much like being back in a creative writing workshop, except instead of reading the pieces on our own, the authors read them out loud to get feedback afterwards. This adds a new dimension because not only do you get the voice of the piece, but you get the voice of the author. Obviously if someone is looking for publication it isn't beneficial to rely on verbal readings in order to connect with your reader, but in this situation it was enlightening.
I had wanted to read from my piece about Chris... but of course I deleted it two nights prior so I couldn't. I ended up reading from my novel "Collide" and let me tell you... if it is beneficial to hear someone else read their piece out loud in order to hear their tone/voice, it's benefical to read out loud in order to discover things that are unnecessary/redundant/confusing. I have a looooot of editing to do, but I'm really excited about it. I might try to get into the habit of reading things out loud more often just to see what I can come up with.
Anyways, I'm dog sitting and the dogs are downstairs and voicing their opinions about being left alone, so I'm going to say adieu. School ends in two weeks, so maybe I'll update more often? Haha... don't hold your breath =)
So what's been going on with me in the past month, you ask?
School.
Work.
School work.
Rinse, repeat.
Did a really stupid thing last week. I bought a MAC (not the stupid thing, lol) and I was transfering music from my old laptop to the new mac via my flashdrive because iTunes is a bitch about transfering music. Well in the process of loading the flash drive, copying files to the mac, and deleting the music in order to make room for more... I deleted a folder containing about thirty pages worth of manuscript for my novel "Life gets in the way" based off my friendship with Chris.
Needless to say, I was pissed.
But, in the spirit of trying to see everything in a "cup is half full" mantra, I'm trying not to be upset about it. Either this is a sign that Chris wasn't too happy about my writing... or it was a sign I can do better. I'm going to take it as a sign that I can do better. So I sat down last Friday night and attempted to start retyping it... and I just wasn't feeling the retype. I got a page and a half into it and stopped. Hopefully the spirit will move me again to start writing it... because I'm really thinking this might provide some closure with the whole situation (I'm grasping at straws here... notice I said that I was hoping to find closure from burning the letter to him? Yeah, closure is still missing.).
Over the weekend, my friend Ann (who is an amazing writer and also an incredible person) hosted a little get together at her house with some of her female writing friends. The process was amazing. I was the youngest one there... I think the woman closest in age to me was probably in her mid thirties. Everyone else was married... married/divorced... married with kids... married/divorced with kids... etc. It was very much like being back in a creative writing workshop, except instead of reading the pieces on our own, the authors read them out loud to get feedback afterwards. This adds a new dimension because not only do you get the voice of the piece, but you get the voice of the author. Obviously if someone is looking for publication it isn't beneficial to rely on verbal readings in order to connect with your reader, but in this situation it was enlightening.
I had wanted to read from my piece about Chris... but of course I deleted it two nights prior so I couldn't. I ended up reading from my novel "Collide" and let me tell you... if it is beneficial to hear someone else read their piece out loud in order to hear their tone/voice, it's benefical to read out loud in order to discover things that are unnecessary/redundant/confusing. I have a looooot of editing to do, but I'm really excited about it. I might try to get into the habit of reading things out loud more often just to see what I can come up with.
Anyways, I'm dog sitting and the dogs are downstairs and voicing their opinions about being left alone, so I'm going to say adieu. School ends in two weeks, so maybe I'll update more often? Haha... don't hold your breath =)
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Dear Chris,
Alright, I promise this will be the last post in a while about him, but today was his birthday so I pretty much thought about him all day. All day yesterday, too, because I sat down and wrote the letter to him that I'd been meaning to write since the day I found out he died. So I'm going to post the pictures of the letter and the burning.
Happy birthday, sweetie. I hope you've found peace wherever you are now.
Happy Halloween to the rest of you.
Happy birthday, sweetie. I hope you've found peace wherever you are now.
Happy Halloween to the rest of you.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
We rise, we fall
Literally in my case. I fell down my stairs Thursday night. I skinned the hell out of my right leg and sprained my left foot. I'm talented, I know. It no longer hurts (as bad) to walk normally, but oh-my-god does my skinned right leg hurt like crazy still.
Anyways, just a quick post to say hello. I'm sure I'll post tomorrow... or a day soon after. Happy Saturday =)
Anyways, just a quick post to say hello. I'm sure I'll post tomorrow... or a day soon after. Happy Saturday =)
Saturday, October 23, 2010
This crazy thing called life
Alright, so I'm really trying to break the habit of posting about Chris, but he's still a huge part of what I've been thinking about recently (and it's only been two weeks, so you'll have to forgive me for not getting over it yet). One of my friends asked me the other day how I'm doing and commented that I've probably got a lot of other things going on now (with work and school) to distract me. Which is totally true. During the day I don't know down from up. But at night my subconscious catches up with me and I'll wake up randomly in the middle of a dream sequence and he's the first thing I think of (even if I wasn't dreaming about him). I've also started back to work on the story I was writing before all of this happened that was based off our friendship... and I'm sure that will dig up old emotions as I try to remember specific things about him. It's strange, but now that he's gone I feel more comfortable clearly crafting my main character after him.
But I'm starting to be able to talk about him more freely (without crying, I mean) and even my mom made the comment last night that I seem to be in a much better mood. I'll probably always wonder if there was something I could have said or done during our last conversation to help him out, but I've come to understand that there's nothing that can be done now. What happened, happened and I can't change it. I still haven't written that letter and burned it yet... but when I do, I'll make a post on here and maybe it'll be the last for a while with Chris as the main subject (Don't hold me to that).
At least I finally feel like I'm on top of things for school. I'm pretty sure I have at least a B average for my cumulative gpa so I'm extremely happy about that. Work can still suck some days... but attitude is everything. Just grin and bear it, right?
Well, I've got to go get ready for a play at GMU (I've got to see Pericles.... so NOT my choosing, it's mandatory for class) so until next time.... =)
But I'm starting to be able to talk about him more freely (without crying, I mean) and even my mom made the comment last night that I seem to be in a much better mood. I'll probably always wonder if there was something I could have said or done during our last conversation to help him out, but I've come to understand that there's nothing that can be done now. What happened, happened and I can't change it. I still haven't written that letter and burned it yet... but when I do, I'll make a post on here and maybe it'll be the last for a while with Chris as the main subject (Don't hold me to that).
At least I finally feel like I'm on top of things for school. I'm pretty sure I have at least a B average for my cumulative gpa so I'm extremely happy about that. Work can still suck some days... but attitude is everything. Just grin and bear it, right?
Well, I've got to go get ready for a play at GMU (I've got to see Pericles.... so NOT my choosing, it's mandatory for class) so until next time.... =)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
waiting...
I'm waiting for the day when I can hear the word "suicide" and not wince. I'm also waiting for the day when sadness gives way to anger.
It was a good trip up to Pittsburgh last weekend. Aside from halfway through the route remembering that Chris and I drove that way last summer when we drove a Chihuahua to Friendsville, MD for Kim. It's good, actually, to drive that way even when I'm not done grieving yet. That's the fastest route to Pittsburgh and I'm going to have to take it for as long as we live here... so its best to rip the bandaid off now.
Anyways, my brain is in a million other places besides this blog post so I'll leave it at this.
no more reasons to deny, I believe that you were mine. I need to let it go, I wish you'd let me go
It was a good trip up to Pittsburgh last weekend. Aside from halfway through the route remembering that Chris and I drove that way last summer when we drove a Chihuahua to Friendsville, MD for Kim. It's good, actually, to drive that way even when I'm not done grieving yet. That's the fastest route to Pittsburgh and I'm going to have to take it for as long as we live here... so its best to rip the bandaid off now.
Anyways, my brain is in a million other places besides this blog post so I'll leave it at this.
no more reasons to deny, I believe that you were mine. I need to let it go, I wish you'd let me go
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
It's all about what YOU believe
So, found out this morning that Chris killed himself. I had originally said that I was going to be angry at him if this is what happened, but I'm still having a hard time feeling anything other than sad. And confused. Very, very confused.
I'm still going over all of the "what if"s, too. I know that's bad. I know what's done is done and nothing could be changed. But that's the curse of an overactive imagination.
Baybhee told me today that she believes a person's spirit is with us for three days after they die. If this is true, Chris is with us until tomorrow night. According to her, the spirit travels to all of the friends/family, saying goodbye. I'd like to believe this. And I think he's said goodbye at least twice now. I already mentioned the skittles thing in last night's post. But something happened again today.
I was a bit pissed at Baybhee because she said something about how "noble" it was, what he did. Comitting suicide is NOT noble. It's seflish. It's unncessary. It leaves a boatload of unanswered questions. It causes unnecessary grief for the people left behind. So I fired back at her and then promptly left the office (I was taking a deposit to the bank, so it was appropriate.). I got into my car and turned it on. Usually, I have to hit play on my ipod in order for it to turn on and start playing. As soon as I turned my car on, it turned on and started playing. Ryan Starr's song "Last Train Home" started up. It's not a song I'd ever associated with Chris, because I have quite a few I used to listen to and think of him. But some of the lyrics hit home. It was things I wish I could have told him. I'll post the song at the bottom of the page for you to listen to.
Maybe I'm fetching for signs. Maybe the bag of skittles last night was open in the box before I grabbed it. Maybe my ipod just messed up. I told my dad about these things and he said "It's all about what you believe. If you think it was him, it was." So there. Think that I'm crazy. Think that I'm over reacting. But I know deep in my heart that this was my goodbye.
I'm going to write him a letter, probably sometime before his memorial services on Saturday. I want to burn it and let the ashes float skyward. Because a part of me thinks that when the ashes reach the sky, he'll be able to read it.
I'm still going over all of the "what if"s, too. I know that's bad. I know what's done is done and nothing could be changed. But that's the curse of an overactive imagination.
Baybhee told me today that she believes a person's spirit is with us for three days after they die. If this is true, Chris is with us until tomorrow night. According to her, the spirit travels to all of the friends/family, saying goodbye. I'd like to believe this. And I think he's said goodbye at least twice now. I already mentioned the skittles thing in last night's post. But something happened again today.
I was a bit pissed at Baybhee because she said something about how "noble" it was, what he did. Comitting suicide is NOT noble. It's seflish. It's unncessary. It leaves a boatload of unanswered questions. It causes unnecessary grief for the people left behind. So I fired back at her and then promptly left the office (I was taking a deposit to the bank, so it was appropriate.). I got into my car and turned it on. Usually, I have to hit play on my ipod in order for it to turn on and start playing. As soon as I turned my car on, it turned on and started playing. Ryan Starr's song "Last Train Home" started up. It's not a song I'd ever associated with Chris, because I have quite a few I used to listen to and think of him. But some of the lyrics hit home. It was things I wish I could have told him. I'll post the song at the bottom of the page for you to listen to.
Maybe I'm fetching for signs. Maybe the bag of skittles last night was open in the box before I grabbed it. Maybe my ipod just messed up. I told my dad about these things and he said "It's all about what you believe. If you think it was him, it was." So there. Think that I'm crazy. Think that I'm over reacting. But I know deep in my heart that this was my goodbye.
I'm going to write him a letter, probably sometime before his memorial services on Saturday. I want to burn it and let the ashes float skyward. Because a part of me thinks that when the ashes reach the sky, he'll be able to read it.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Goodbye, my friend...
It's amazing how much someone can touch your life in such a small amount of time.
Before today, I'd never lost a friend. I remember going through high school, hearing about kids that died in car accidents, kids that got shot, kids that killed themselves, and thinking 'thank god I made it through without losing anyone.' I made it almost 24 1/2 years without losing someone close, other than a family member. Losing a friend is completely different.
I've lost all four of my grandparents. And looking back, I still mourn for them. I often wonder what I didn't learn about them or from them while they were still living. Now that I've lost a friend, I wonder what his life would have been like.
I met Chris last year. He spent three months with his aunt, who's the oncologist at the vet I work for. His dad packed him up and shipped him off to her from Wyoming because he'd gotten into some trouble back home. He'd been expelled, wasn't graduating with his senior class, and had spent some time in juvie. Come to think of it, I don't think he ever told me what exactly he did. He was sooo quiet his first few weeks at work. I don't think I've met anyone who talked less than he did. But dear god, once he got to know all of us it was a challenge getting him to shut up.
From day one I knew I liked him. It was hard not to like Chris (aside from those moments when he was doing his "I'm not touching you" routine where he'd stand behind you with one finger extended as close as humanly possible without actually touching you). He was handsome, and quick to smile. He seemed to be older than 18...at least around me.
I remember at the end of his second week with us, one of his friends killed himself. This was before I really got to know him and I just remember thinking, well that's it. He's going back to Wyoming and I'm going to wish I'd said something more profound to him everyday except 'good morning' and 'do you want anything for lunch?' He didn't fly home for the funeral, and I think he regretted not being able to say goodbye to his friend, but I got a second chance to say something else to him.
We pretty much became inseparable at work after that. Of course, we sat at the same desk so it was hard to get rid of him. He was easy to tease... I always called him Wyoming, which he hated. I remember thinking I could really fall for him if he weren't 18 and didn't live in the middle of B.F.E. (bum f*** Egypt). I don't know why I let that stop me, but I did. I know a lot of other people at work thought we were unnaturally close. I had to tell quite a few people that he and I weren't dating after he left. I think everyone in life has a "what if" and Chris will be mine. (The funny thing about "what if"s is the paths your imagination takes you down. I'm trying not to let mine get carried away, especially now.)
As of right now, I'm still not sure what happened to him. His aunt hasn't told anyone the details. All I know is that the world lost a great person last night. It's strange, but last night I was looking at pictures on one of my French photo boards and I lingered on a picture of me, him and Sara from last Summer. I even touched the picture where it hung before moving on. Maybe that was my body's way of knowing more than my mind did and letting me say goodbye before I realized anything happened.
I went out tonight and bought a twenty ounce bottle of Dr. Pepper and a bag of skittles, his favorite. Despite my eyes being swollen and red rimmed, I was determined not to cry. When the cashier was scanning my purchase, the bag of skittles came open. I turned to my mom and said "see, that's him sharing it with me. Just like always." It wasn't my goal to cry in the middle of Target, but I did it anyways.
There are certain things that will make me sad for a while. TI's song "Live your life" will haunt me (he used to get in my car and blast it REPEATEDLY until I wanted to shoot myself). Whenever I pass a huge truck, I'll think of him. Whenever I watch Transformers I'll think of him.
What still makes me the most upset is that I just talked with him. I text messaged him last week because his aunt's dog died. We talked back and forth for about an hour and I never got any indication that something was wrong. At one point he asked me "do you miss me?" and instead of answering directly, I said 'when are you coming back to visit??'
So now, at least twenty four hours too late... Yes, Chris. I miss you. Rest in peace, Wyoming. I love you BFF.
Before today, I'd never lost a friend. I remember going through high school, hearing about kids that died in car accidents, kids that got shot, kids that killed themselves, and thinking 'thank god I made it through without losing anyone.' I made it almost 24 1/2 years without losing someone close, other than a family member. Losing a friend is completely different.
I've lost all four of my grandparents. And looking back, I still mourn for them. I often wonder what I didn't learn about them or from them while they were still living. Now that I've lost a friend, I wonder what his life would have been like.
I met Chris last year. He spent three months with his aunt, who's the oncologist at the vet I work for. His dad packed him up and shipped him off to her from Wyoming because he'd gotten into some trouble back home. He'd been expelled, wasn't graduating with his senior class, and had spent some time in juvie. Come to think of it, I don't think he ever told me what exactly he did. He was sooo quiet his first few weeks at work. I don't think I've met anyone who talked less than he did. But dear god, once he got to know all of us it was a challenge getting him to shut up.
From day one I knew I liked him. It was hard not to like Chris (aside from those moments when he was doing his "I'm not touching you" routine where he'd stand behind you with one finger extended as close as humanly possible without actually touching you). He was handsome, and quick to smile. He seemed to be older than 18...at least around me.
I remember at the end of his second week with us, one of his friends killed himself. This was before I really got to know him and I just remember thinking, well that's it. He's going back to Wyoming and I'm going to wish I'd said something more profound to him everyday except 'good morning' and 'do you want anything for lunch?' He didn't fly home for the funeral, and I think he regretted not being able to say goodbye to his friend, but I got a second chance to say something else to him.
We pretty much became inseparable at work after that. Of course, we sat at the same desk so it was hard to get rid of him. He was easy to tease... I always called him Wyoming, which he hated. I remember thinking I could really fall for him if he weren't 18 and didn't live in the middle of B.F.E. (bum f*** Egypt). I don't know why I let that stop me, but I did. I know a lot of other people at work thought we were unnaturally close. I had to tell quite a few people that he and I weren't dating after he left. I think everyone in life has a "what if" and Chris will be mine. (The funny thing about "what if"s is the paths your imagination takes you down. I'm trying not to let mine get carried away, especially now.)
As of right now, I'm still not sure what happened to him. His aunt hasn't told anyone the details. All I know is that the world lost a great person last night. It's strange, but last night I was looking at pictures on one of my French photo boards and I lingered on a picture of me, him and Sara from last Summer. I even touched the picture where it hung before moving on. Maybe that was my body's way of knowing more than my mind did and letting me say goodbye before I realized anything happened.
I went out tonight and bought a twenty ounce bottle of Dr. Pepper and a bag of skittles, his favorite. Despite my eyes being swollen and red rimmed, I was determined not to cry. When the cashier was scanning my purchase, the bag of skittles came open. I turned to my mom and said "see, that's him sharing it with me. Just like always." It wasn't my goal to cry in the middle of Target, but I did it anyways.
There are certain things that will make me sad for a while. TI's song "Live your life" will haunt me (he used to get in my car and blast it REPEATEDLY until I wanted to shoot myself). Whenever I pass a huge truck, I'll think of him. Whenever I watch Transformers I'll think of him.
What still makes me the most upset is that I just talked with him. I text messaged him last week because his aunt's dog died. We talked back and forth for about an hour and I never got any indication that something was wrong. At one point he asked me "do you miss me?" and instead of answering directly, I said 'when are you coming back to visit??'
So now, at least twenty four hours too late... Yes, Chris. I miss you. Rest in peace, Wyoming. I love you BFF.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Dear Nicholas Sparks, (warning, overdose of sarcasm possible)
I found myself watching another of your movies last night, and for the life of me I can't figure out why. This one starred Miley Cyrus (was it the producers goal to find one of the most disliked characters by anyone over 18 and cast them in a movie?). Your book/movie "The Notebook" has forever made you the master of tear-jerker romance, and something that mindless adults would flock to even if the movies starred no names, so the casting choice in this one really baffled me. The idea of watching Cyrus parade around the screen acting like a sullen teenager was not appealing, but for some insane reason, I didn't turn it off.
There are several things that bother me about your more recent books. First of all, there are 50 states in our great country. I understand sticking with what you know, but for the love of god, if I have to read/see/hear another story about one of the Carolinas or Tennessee, I will shoot myself. Sappy, unrealistic romance novels can take place ANYWHERE. Here's a challenge: create something in rural Arkansas. OR North Dakota! If you can pull THAT off, I'll drop all my criticism of your books.
Secondly: yes, cancer touches all of our lives on a very deep and profound level. But you seem to enjoy killing characters off with this. I'd like to make it to the end of a movie (I've long given up trying to read your books. When I see your name under the "new releases" category, I sneer.) without trying to figure out what character is going to bite the bullet.
Thirdly: a new plot line. Something other than boy meets girl (girl meets boy), boy falls in love with girl (girl falls in love with boy), boy/girl is sullen and the relationship is troubled, boy/girl ends it, boy/girl realizes they were retarded-- obviously boy/girl was the one person on this planet that truly understood them-- tragic death (by cancer) of someone important in boy/girl's life, easy entrance for boy/girl to be reacquainted and they all live happily ever after. Gag me.In who's life does this actually happen?? I've heard people say they like your books because "they're soooo realistic!" Does this shit actually happen in NC/SC/TN? Just think of the story possibilities you could have if you moved the plot somewhere else. North Dakota sees long periods of bitter cold. Wouldn't it be fun to isolate your characters out in the middle of no where in the freezing night? Wouldn't it be fun to have frostbite set in? Amputation is a great subject! "I love you despite your missing toes!" Maybe not as fun as killing everyone with cancer.
There are groups out there that fault Disney for giving little girls everywhere false ideas of what love is. You're doing the same thing, but with young adults and misguided adults. Maybe you're capitalizing on what Disney started by making your heroines somewhat believable. But for the love of god, please stop.
Over the years there has only been two books of yours that I've enjoyed: The Rescue and the Guardian. But I have no hopes of these ever coming to the big screen because in The Rescue, Taylor's friend dies in a fire (not cancer!) and in the Guardian, the dog dies (from rat poisoning and a GSW, not cancer!) and who wants to see that?? It is a shame because The Guardian breaks from your typical typecast and is actually a fantastic novel.
Thanks for the chance to channel my biting sarcasm and cynicism =)
Sincerely,
Stephanie
(not a fan)
There are several things that bother me about your more recent books. First of all, there are 50 states in our great country. I understand sticking with what you know, but for the love of god, if I have to read/see/hear another story about one of the Carolinas or Tennessee, I will shoot myself. Sappy, unrealistic romance novels can take place ANYWHERE. Here's a challenge: create something in rural Arkansas. OR North Dakota! If you can pull THAT off, I'll drop all my criticism of your books.
Secondly: yes, cancer touches all of our lives on a very deep and profound level. But you seem to enjoy killing characters off with this. I'd like to make it to the end of a movie (I've long given up trying to read your books. When I see your name under the "new releases" category, I sneer.) without trying to figure out what character is going to bite the bullet.
Thirdly: a new plot line. Something other than boy meets girl (girl meets boy), boy falls in love with girl (girl falls in love with boy), boy/girl is sullen and the relationship is troubled, boy/girl ends it, boy/girl realizes they were retarded-- obviously boy/girl was the one person on this planet that truly understood them-- tragic death (by cancer) of someone important in boy/girl's life, easy entrance for boy/girl to be reacquainted and they all live happily ever after. Gag me.In who's life does this actually happen?? I've heard people say they like your books because "they're soooo realistic!" Does this shit actually happen in NC/SC/TN? Just think of the story possibilities you could have if you moved the plot somewhere else. North Dakota sees long periods of bitter cold. Wouldn't it be fun to isolate your characters out in the middle of no where in the freezing night? Wouldn't it be fun to have frostbite set in? Amputation is a great subject! "I love you despite your missing toes!" Maybe not as fun as killing everyone with cancer.
There are groups out there that fault Disney for giving little girls everywhere false ideas of what love is. You're doing the same thing, but with young adults and misguided adults. Maybe you're capitalizing on what Disney started by making your heroines somewhat believable. But for the love of god, please stop.
Over the years there has only been two books of yours that I've enjoyed: The Rescue and the Guardian. But I have no hopes of these ever coming to the big screen because in The Rescue, Taylor's friend dies in a fire (not cancer!) and in the Guardian, the dog dies (from rat poisoning and a GSW, not cancer!) and who wants to see that?? It is a shame because The Guardian breaks from your typical typecast and is actually a fantastic novel.
Thanks for the chance to channel my biting sarcasm and cynicism =)
Sincerely,
Stephanie
(not a fan)
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Plenty of Losers, more like
I caved. I joined plentyoffish.com last night and the results have been hilarious. Within minutes of joining the website I had five messages from guys. This is probably because of the profile picture I chose, in which I'm wearing a low cut shirt. Actually, I know this is why I've had so many emails already because a couple of the guys commented on my "features" and God knows they aren't talking about my eyes (although one guy said I have a nice smile... I'd like to believe he actually meant that).
I don't know what I expected, since its a free website, but holy crap some of these guys are straight forward. This one guy's first email to me said "I know, I know. I'm not sure why we haven't talked either, two obviously attractive people like ourselves." Probably should have just deleted the email then, but I responded. I tried to change the subject...he's from NY so I made the comment I'm from Albany, been in VA for 20 years and am ready to leave. His response? "Well, meet me first. We'll do some stuff ;-) and then you can go."
User blocked.
I'm also amazed by how fast people are willing to give out their phone numbers. If I don't know you, you'll be lucky to get my phone number before our first date. Less than twenty-four hours after joining the site, I've gotten five phone numbers. How many times have I given my number out? 0. Ain't happening.
The other thing... Plenty of Fish has you make a "catch line" something that they post next to your picture so that people searching through the database see that as soon as they see your picture. Some of the catch lines are HILARIOUS. It's supposed to describe what you're looking for, or what you're like. One guy's catch line is "some assembly required." I couldn't get away from his profile fast enough.
Don't get me wrong, out of the fifteen people that have messaged me, there are a couple that I'm having worthwhile conversations with. But sadly, it seems to not be the norm.
(I'm going to have to memorize this number and pass it off as my own)
I don't know what I expected, since its a free website, but holy crap some of these guys are straight forward. This one guy's first email to me said "I know, I know. I'm not sure why we haven't talked either, two obviously attractive people like ourselves." Probably should have just deleted the email then, but I responded. I tried to change the subject...he's from NY so I made the comment I'm from Albany, been in VA for 20 years and am ready to leave. His response? "Well, meet me first. We'll do some stuff ;-) and then you can go."
User blocked.
I'm also amazed by how fast people are willing to give out their phone numbers. If I don't know you, you'll be lucky to get my phone number before our first date. Less than twenty-four hours after joining the site, I've gotten five phone numbers. How many times have I given my number out? 0. Ain't happening.
The other thing... Plenty of Fish has you make a "catch line" something that they post next to your picture so that people searching through the database see that as soon as they see your picture. Some of the catch lines are HILARIOUS. It's supposed to describe what you're looking for, or what you're like. One guy's catch line is "some assembly required." I couldn't get away from his profile fast enough.
Don't get me wrong, out of the fifteen people that have messaged me, there are a couple that I'm having worthwhile conversations with. But sadly, it seems to not be the norm.
(I'm going to have to memorize this number and pass it off as my own)
Sunday, October 3, 2010
We could dance until we die
Nothing really to say... getting ready to open up Microsoft Word so that I can do some non-school related typing and just thought I'd stop here and make a quick post on the way =) It's been too long since I've been able to sit down and work on my writing, so I'm very excited that I've made some time.
And with that being said... I'm off to type =)
And with that being said... I'm off to type =)
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
at the bottom looking up
I've been in a slump recently. And I don't mean just a writing slump. I'm in a school and work are controlling my life slump. But I can't even blame it totally on that. I think I'm lonely. Scratch the think. I am lonely. I don't help myself, I know. I'm a homebody. You don't meet people by being homebodies. And I understand there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Up until recently, I've been mostly content being alone. There was a period last year where I wasn't okay with it anymore and I did something about it. That failed miserably (I'm talking about my experiences with eHarmony). I'm tired of hearing all the "inspirational" talk from people. I understand I'm young. I'm 24, I have time. I'm not asking to find my soulmate. I just want someone who understands me... who shares my goals.
The other part that is depressing is that I honestly don't have much time for myself, I don't know how I'd start a relationship. Dad keeps telling me I need to learn balance. What he doesn't understand is that I've already learned balance. I'm balancing work and schoolwork. If I don't want to fail school, that takes up most of my free time. BAH.
I know I'm just stressed.... and it helped to vent.
On another blah note.... I got a C+ on a paper I thought I did well on. So now I'm second guessing everything I write. I hate academic writing.
On a happy note.... 12 weeks until the end of the semester. Yay...
The other part that is depressing is that I honestly don't have much time for myself, I don't know how I'd start a relationship. Dad keeps telling me I need to learn balance. What he doesn't understand is that I've already learned balance. I'm balancing work and schoolwork. If I don't want to fail school, that takes up most of my free time. BAH.
I know I'm just stressed.... and it helped to vent.
On another blah note.... I got a C+ on a paper I thought I did well on. So now I'm second guessing everything I write. I hate academic writing.
On a happy note.... 12 weeks until the end of the semester. Yay...
Sunday, September 26, 2010
What I'm up to...
I PROMISE I'm not neglecting my blog. But, as I've mentioned at least a million times before, school is consuming all of my time. Which means I'm writing, probably a lot more than I did before, but just anything fun. I did go to a lecture on Friday (required for class, of course) but it was extremely interesting and inspirational. I had to write a paper about it (of course), and so I'll post what I wrote below:
Greg Mortenson’s presentation was more of an experience than an event. I bought Mr. Mortenson’s book a couple weeks ago after I decided to go to his lecture, but I haven’t read it yet. With this being said, I was a bit ignorant walking into the Concert Hall. I couldn’t believe the sheer amount of people that came to hear him speak. I was there early, just after six twenty, and already the main level seats were full and I was forced to the balcony. Sitting in my seat, I was crowded on both sides by attendees who were quite obviously not there because a class required them to be. The woman beside me had both of his books clutched in her lap and flipped through them, anxiously waiting for the program to start. Her book was a mess: covered in notes, underlined, highlighted and dog eared. When the lights finally dimmed, she leaned forward in her seat; trying to get as close to the stage as she possibly could.
When the program started, I felt strangely like I was part of a State of the Union address: the speaker would say something and the audience would burst into applause if they approved of it. Gerry Connolly’s speech felt more like a way to gain votes than to introduce Mortenson, and since C-SPAN was taping the event, it probably was. But my attitude towards the program changed as soon as Mortenson started speaking. He wasn’t someone looking for applause or approval. He convinced me that he was genuinely concerned with the children and communities in Afghanistan and Pakistan. His insight into their culture is priceless. If the leaders of our country would take the time to submerge themselves into the culture in the way that Mortenson has done, the war we’re fighting would become a much easier battle.
Mortenson showed a picture of the first school they built and it was heartwarming to see the smiling faces, but what really caught my eye was a poster on one of the walls depicting missiles and mines; just a reminder that their safety concerns are worlds apart from our own. The image that I will probably always remember is that of two men (with long dark beards, dressed in their traditional robes with the turbans, looking like they could be straight from the Taliban) swinging on the swing set in the playground for the children. In the picture, they’re smiling and laughing and made me realize that despite how different our cultures are, we have much in common.
On the outside, Greg Mortenson’s program was meant to promote his work with the Afghan and Pakistani children. But he accomplished much more. He is one man working to educate and make secure sections of a very insecure country, but in doing this he is also securing America’s future. Ignorance leads to terrorism, but by educating the future of Afghanistan and Pakistan, he’s working to eliminate future Taliban leaders. He’s working to create intelligent children who will reshape the economies of their countries so that they don’t live in fear.
That's a rough draft... its due on Thursday so I'll probably go back and make some edits before I turn it in for a grade... but there. Some interesting writing that I did for school. Now, back to the uninteresting stuff...
Greg Mortenson’s presentation was more of an experience than an event. I bought Mr. Mortenson’s book a couple weeks ago after I decided to go to his lecture, but I haven’t read it yet. With this being said, I was a bit ignorant walking into the Concert Hall. I couldn’t believe the sheer amount of people that came to hear him speak. I was there early, just after six twenty, and already the main level seats were full and I was forced to the balcony. Sitting in my seat, I was crowded on both sides by attendees who were quite obviously not there because a class required them to be. The woman beside me had both of his books clutched in her lap and flipped through them, anxiously waiting for the program to start. Her book was a mess: covered in notes, underlined, highlighted and dog eared. When the lights finally dimmed, she leaned forward in her seat; trying to get as close to the stage as she possibly could.
When the program started, I felt strangely like I was part of a State of the Union address: the speaker would say something and the audience would burst into applause if they approved of it. Gerry Connolly’s speech felt more like a way to gain votes than to introduce Mortenson, and since C-SPAN was taping the event, it probably was. But my attitude towards the program changed as soon as Mortenson started speaking. He wasn’t someone looking for applause or approval. He convinced me that he was genuinely concerned with the children and communities in Afghanistan and Pakistan. His insight into their culture is priceless. If the leaders of our country would take the time to submerge themselves into the culture in the way that Mortenson has done, the war we’re fighting would become a much easier battle.
Mortenson showed a picture of the first school they built and it was heartwarming to see the smiling faces, but what really caught my eye was a poster on one of the walls depicting missiles and mines; just a reminder that their safety concerns are worlds apart from our own. The image that I will probably always remember is that of two men (with long dark beards, dressed in their traditional robes with the turbans, looking like they could be straight from the Taliban) swinging on the swing set in the playground for the children. In the picture, they’re smiling and laughing and made me realize that despite how different our cultures are, we have much in common.
On the outside, Greg Mortenson’s program was meant to promote his work with the Afghan and Pakistani children. But he accomplished much more. He is one man working to educate and make secure sections of a very insecure country, but in doing this he is also securing America’s future. Ignorance leads to terrorism, but by educating the future of Afghanistan and Pakistan, he’s working to eliminate future Taliban leaders. He’s working to create intelligent children who will reshape the economies of their countries so that they don’t live in fear.
That's a rough draft... its due on Thursday so I'll probably go back and make some edits before I turn it in for a grade... but there. Some interesting writing that I did for school. Now, back to the uninteresting stuff...
Monday, September 20, 2010
Sparkles.
Tried something new tonight. I wrote a paper while drinking a beer.
Now, writing a paper is not anything new for me (I'm an English paper... it's kind of expected). Drinking a beer isn't new either...although not exactly typical. I hate beer. I'm usually a liquor type of person. But there was a bunch of beer in the fridge (dad is home full time now (bummer) and so the fridge is stocked again (not a bummer)), it's been a rough week and a half, and there wasn't anything to mix the Captain Morgan into (I wanted a drink to sip, not to shoot). So I grabbed the beer. It was pretty good actually... It's called Shock Top and I think it's made my Michelob. It's a Belgian white beer. But I'm now off topic.
What was new was the writing of the paper while drinking the alcohol. I'm either going to discover something completely brilliant tomorrow when I go back to edit, or I'm going to have one hell of a mess to clean up. I'll keep you posted.
I just randomly remembered this song from when I was in high school. It's pretty hilarious. But, I'm a bit tipsy... so maybe my judgement isn't to be trusted.
Now, writing a paper is not anything new for me (I'm an English paper... it's kind of expected). Drinking a beer isn't new either...although not exactly typical. I hate beer. I'm usually a liquor type of person. But there was a bunch of beer in the fridge (dad is home full time now (bummer) and so the fridge is stocked again (not a bummer)), it's been a rough week and a half, and there wasn't anything to mix the Captain Morgan into (I wanted a drink to sip, not to shoot). So I grabbed the beer. It was pretty good actually... It's called Shock Top and I think it's made my Michelob. It's a Belgian white beer. But I'm now off topic.
What was new was the writing of the paper while drinking the alcohol. I'm either going to discover something completely brilliant tomorrow when I go back to edit, or I'm going to have one hell of a mess to clean up. I'll keep you posted.
I just randomly remembered this song from when I was in high school. It's pretty hilarious. But, I'm a bit tipsy... so maybe my judgement isn't to be trusted.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I'm not crazy
I've wanted to update like three times this last week and have passed out instead. School is kicking my ass. But here I am now. Ta-da! haha
I deleted AIM (AOL instant messenger) from my laptop the other day. I'm not really sure why I ever downloaded it onto the laptop because the laptop is two and a half years old and I stopped using AIM about four years ago... not to say I haven't used it since then... but anyways, deleting it kind of felt like the end of an era. Before text messaging and Facebook status updates there was AIM. Checking away messages and scrolling through profiles used to be the cool thing to do before Myspace and Facebook popped up. There really was no reason to keep AIM since there are people I'd rather not run into on AIM if they still use it... but it still felt sad. Like deleting the last part of high school.
I deleted AIM (AOL instant messenger) from my laptop the other day. I'm not really sure why I ever downloaded it onto the laptop because the laptop is two and a half years old and I stopped using AIM about four years ago... not to say I haven't used it since then... but anyways, deleting it kind of felt like the end of an era. Before text messaging and Facebook status updates there was AIM. Checking away messages and scrolling through profiles used to be the cool thing to do before Myspace and Facebook popped up. There really was no reason to keep AIM since there are people I'd rather not run into on AIM if they still use it... but it still felt sad. Like deleting the last part of high school.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Never forget
It seems important today to reflect on the event that happened nine years ago.
Nine years ago I was a sophomore in high school, sitting in PE. It was the second week of school, so I was still trying to get the feel for my teachers and my new classmates. Looking back, I'm glad that I was in PE at the time. Unlike almost everyone else in the room, I'd had this PE teacher before (he usually only taught sophomores, but the class sizes the year before had been so large that he had to take on a freshmen class, and I was in it) so I knew him and he knew me. After the announcement was made, I looked at his reaction and got my first inclination that things weren't as nonchalant as it seemed. It was the end of class just a few minutes before the bell rang, when the intercom crackled to life and the principal came on. In my remaining years at Hylton, whenever the principal came on the loudspeaker my blood would run cold and for a minute or so I'd forget how to breathe; every time I'd be transferred back to 9/11 and his somber announcement.
The announcement was simple: two planes had flown into the WTC in New York, another had crashed into the Pentagon and another was still in the air. That, more or less, was it. After all, we were all high school students. The oldest students in the building were 18, the youngest 14... could we handle the fact that our nation was under attack?? In retrospect, it was probably insane that he didn't say anything else. We were left for the rest of the day to wonder around in complete numbness, watching the reactions of people around us.
Teachers were crying.
Students were pulled from classrooms without any explanation.
The hallways were silent. Even in between classes when the entire student body filled the tiny spaces. People spoke in whispers.
Teachers groped for information. They'd been strictly informed NOT to discuss the days' events with us. The few teachers that had cable in the classroom would turn their TV sets on to news channels in order to gain any glimmer of information between classes. Whenever students entered the classroom they'd switch them off. My math teacher was not fast enough turning off her TV set.
We watched the North Tower collapse live. The silence on the airwaves after the live footage still haunts me.
Even then, it didn't sink in for us what was going on. After all, we were America... no one could attack us. We're bordered by Mexico and Canada, the Atlantic and Pacific oceans... we were untouchable! There was no way someone could breech our security and intentionally harm us.
The rest of the school day passed in a blur. Teachers were still trying to teach their subjects as instructed by the school administration. On the bus ride home, everyone was a buzz. We were talking about students we knew who had parents that worked in the Pentagon. One of the planes had been hijacked from Dulles, and there was a rumor floating that a girl in our year had a father on one of the planes, headed somewhere for a business trip.
It still felt surreal.
I remember getting home and Mom telling me she couldn't get a hold of Dad. He works in DC, no where near the pentagon so there wasn't really any fear of him being injured... but the lack of information and a creative imagination works in the same way as a child trying to force two mismatched puzzle pieces together. It was later that we learned relatives from out of state were trying desperately to get through to us to make sure we were okay, but couldn't. I don't know how many people remember: The phone lines were pretty much jammed that day.
Mom took us to get haircuts. I think she wanted us out of the house and away from the TV, but we couldn't escape it. I had to put a CD in because the radio stations weren't playing music. The Hair Cuttery we went to had the radio turned up so the stylists could hear. The announcer kept calling the day's events "The attack on America." For the first time all day, I'm finally terrified.
After the fact, it's easy to look back and say what could have been done, what SHOULD have been done. But these ultimately don't matter. The only thing that matters is what was done. Maybe I'm ignorant, but I refuse to believe that an American leader would allow this to happen if informed about it. President Bush has been criticized several times for rejecting memos that tried to tell him about the growing threat. The same link has been made to FDR about Pearl Harbor. I don't believe it... and again, maybe I'm ignorant.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_for_the_day_of_the_September_11_attacks
(time line of the 9/11 attacks)
Nine years ago I was a sophomore in high school, sitting in PE. It was the second week of school, so I was still trying to get the feel for my teachers and my new classmates. Looking back, I'm glad that I was in PE at the time. Unlike almost everyone else in the room, I'd had this PE teacher before (he usually only taught sophomores, but the class sizes the year before had been so large that he had to take on a freshmen class, and I was in it) so I knew him and he knew me. After the announcement was made, I looked at his reaction and got my first inclination that things weren't as nonchalant as it seemed. It was the end of class just a few minutes before the bell rang, when the intercom crackled to life and the principal came on. In my remaining years at Hylton, whenever the principal came on the loudspeaker my blood would run cold and for a minute or so I'd forget how to breathe; every time I'd be transferred back to 9/11 and his somber announcement.
The announcement was simple: two planes had flown into the WTC in New York, another had crashed into the Pentagon and another was still in the air. That, more or less, was it. After all, we were all high school students. The oldest students in the building were 18, the youngest 14... could we handle the fact that our nation was under attack?? In retrospect, it was probably insane that he didn't say anything else. We were left for the rest of the day to wonder around in complete numbness, watching the reactions of people around us.
Teachers were crying.
Students were pulled from classrooms without any explanation.
The hallways were silent. Even in between classes when the entire student body filled the tiny spaces. People spoke in whispers.
Teachers groped for information. They'd been strictly informed NOT to discuss the days' events with us. The few teachers that had cable in the classroom would turn their TV sets on to news channels in order to gain any glimmer of information between classes. Whenever students entered the classroom they'd switch them off. My math teacher was not fast enough turning off her TV set.
We watched the North Tower collapse live. The silence on the airwaves after the live footage still haunts me.
Even then, it didn't sink in for us what was going on. After all, we were America... no one could attack us. We're bordered by Mexico and Canada, the Atlantic and Pacific oceans... we were untouchable! There was no way someone could breech our security and intentionally harm us.
The rest of the school day passed in a blur. Teachers were still trying to teach their subjects as instructed by the school administration. On the bus ride home, everyone was a buzz. We were talking about students we knew who had parents that worked in the Pentagon. One of the planes had been hijacked from Dulles, and there was a rumor floating that a girl in our year had a father on one of the planes, headed somewhere for a business trip.
It still felt surreal.
I remember getting home and Mom telling me she couldn't get a hold of Dad. He works in DC, no where near the pentagon so there wasn't really any fear of him being injured... but the lack of information and a creative imagination works in the same way as a child trying to force two mismatched puzzle pieces together. It was later that we learned relatives from out of state were trying desperately to get through to us to make sure we were okay, but couldn't. I don't know how many people remember: The phone lines were pretty much jammed that day.
Mom took us to get haircuts. I think she wanted us out of the house and away from the TV, but we couldn't escape it. I had to put a CD in because the radio stations weren't playing music. The Hair Cuttery we went to had the radio turned up so the stylists could hear. The announcer kept calling the day's events "The attack on America." For the first time all day, I'm finally terrified.
After the fact, it's easy to look back and say what could have been done, what SHOULD have been done. But these ultimately don't matter. The only thing that matters is what was done. Maybe I'm ignorant, but I refuse to believe that an American leader would allow this to happen if informed about it. President Bush has been criticized several times for rejecting memos that tried to tell him about the growing threat. The same link has been made to FDR about Pearl Harbor. I don't believe it... and again, maybe I'm ignorant.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_for_the_day_of_the_September_11_attacks
(time line of the 9/11 attacks)
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Bah.
Alright, I know it looks like I've forgotten to post this past week. But I haven't, honestly. I feel like crap and have had so much homework I have very little Stephanie time... let alone blog/writing time. Which makes me sad. So this post will also be short, but at least it's an update, right?
It truly is the little things in life that make me the happiest.
Example: I stopped by Burger King (or the BK Lounge as some call it... if you listen to Dane Cook you know what I mean) after work today. I was already frustrated because of things going on at work...and also because traffic SUCKED. And then I forgot to ask for ranch dressing. If you know anything about me, you know I LOVE ranch dressing. It's a necessity of life. So I was pissed because it was just another thing to add to the list of things that went wrong today. But then I get home and sitting at the top of the bag were two ranch containers. The lady gave them to me without me asking for them. It made me smile. =)
It truly is the little things in life that make me the happiest.
Example: I stopped by Burger King (or the BK Lounge as some call it... if you listen to Dane Cook you know what I mean) after work today. I was already frustrated because of things going on at work...and also because traffic SUCKED. And then I forgot to ask for ranch dressing. If you know anything about me, you know I LOVE ranch dressing. It's a necessity of life. So I was pissed because it was just another thing to add to the list of things that went wrong today. But then I get home and sitting at the top of the bag were two ranch containers. The lady gave them to me without me asking for them. It made me smile. =)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
as promised, with a little more thrown in.
Made it home, remembered to look up those links. Could only find one, because try as I might for the second one, google just couldn't find it. But the following link is really the best anyways.
http://www.asciimation.co.nz/
This is flipping awesome. Especially if you're a star wars fan. It's the entire Episode IV illustrated in text. I've only seen parts of it, but from what I've seen, its pretty cool. Definitely worth watching at least a few minutes. If you're a die hard Star Wars fan you'll probably want to watch all of it... so knock yourself out.
The other link I was going to post was the script of Episode IV flashed across the screen letter by letter. It's really not as interesting as the first link because you really can't follow it, but it's still neat to watch a few seconds and move on. But, since Google is being retarded... guess you'll just have to use your imagination on that one.
I've noticed something interesting just recently. Two of the songs I'm really into at the moment are both about girls who don't believe in love until the right guy finds them and suddenly they're believers. I can almost relate to the songs b/c I'm still in the first stage... not quite believing true love really exists except on paper, in stories. I've been saying for a while now it almost seems easier to get divorced than to meet someone... and my dating experiences definitely validate that point. Here are the songs:
Paramore: You are the Only Exception
I was trying to get the official video.. you know, the one with the band, not some cheesy version that someone put together... but it wouldn't let me have the embedded code. Oh well.
Taylor Swift: Mine
Wasn't expecting that to let me post the actual video since it was JUST released a few days ago....but there you go.
"I was a flight risk with a fear of falling, wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts."
"Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts and we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face..."
http://www.asciimation.co.nz/
This is flipping awesome. Especially if you're a star wars fan. It's the entire Episode IV illustrated in text. I've only seen parts of it, but from what I've seen, its pretty cool. Definitely worth watching at least a few minutes. If you're a die hard Star Wars fan you'll probably want to watch all of it... so knock yourself out.
The other link I was going to post was the script of Episode IV flashed across the screen letter by letter. It's really not as interesting as the first link because you really can't follow it, but it's still neat to watch a few seconds and move on. But, since Google is being retarded... guess you'll just have to use your imagination on that one.
I've noticed something interesting just recently. Two of the songs I'm really into at the moment are both about girls who don't believe in love until the right guy finds them and suddenly they're believers. I can almost relate to the songs b/c I'm still in the first stage... not quite believing true love really exists except on paper, in stories. I've been saying for a while now it almost seems easier to get divorced than to meet someone... and my dating experiences definitely validate that point. Here are the songs:
Paramore: You are the Only Exception
I was trying to get the official video.. you know, the one with the band, not some cheesy version that someone put together... but it wouldn't let me have the embedded code. Oh well.
Taylor Swift: Mine
Wasn't expecting that to let me post the actual video since it was JUST released a few days ago....but there you go.
"I was a flight risk with a fear of falling, wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts."
"Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts and we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face..."
What the eff was I thinking?
So I blogged a couple days about classes starting. I'm blogging today to report that I'm fully ready for winter break. lol. I'm having a "why did I decide to persue English?" moment. I understood from the beginning it would be a lot of writing. I guess I was naive to think it wouldn't be an un-doable amount of reading also. But I'm feeling a little overloaded. I'm just extremely happy that I didn't take more than 12 credits. I almost signed up for another class- just because only one of the classes I'm taking is actually going to be usable towards my degree-- but I can't imagine how totally overwhelmed I would have been with a Medieval Readings class thrown in.
But I went to a very cool lecture last night, which is a required part of my ENG325 class. The lecture was called "The Technology of Reading" and it explored some cool topics. For instance, I didn't know that humans shouldn't be able to read. We aren't "hard wired" for it, but somehow we manage to do it. Also, that revolutionary electronic book that everyone is so excited (the Kindle, just to name one) is actually very conservative. There are some books it wouldn't be able to play. Pretty much any book that has footnotes is out of reach for the "revolutionary" Kindle. (I enjoyed this part of the lecture especially, since I'm anti-Kindle because it takes away from bookstore sales and ultimately author sales).
The professor also made us aware of some pretty cool websites. I'll share them with you:
wefeelfine.org
This website is really awesome. The creator has this program that scans blogs (such as this one) and anytime it comes across the words "I feel..." it copies it to the website. They've composed a website full of emotions, basically. You can go to any date during the year and search any emotion and something will pop up. It's really cool... go check it out.
thewhalehunt.org
This is a mixture of cool and boring. This guy spent a week in Barrow, Alaska (I'm still trying to figure out why anyone would live in Barrow, Alasaka, but that's beside the point). As many of you might know, Alaska is pretty much full of eskimo's. He spent a week with an Inuit(spelt wrong, I'm sure) family who has special permission to hunt whales because that's how they pretty much make their living. He took his trusty camera along with him. Cool/boring thing is, he had it set to take pictures every 5 minutes. Faster, if his heart rate went up. This is cool because while they were actually out on the whale hunt, the camera was taking pictures like every thirty seconds. This is not so cool because it took pictures every 5 minutes even while he slept. In all, there's like 3214 pictures, or something ridiculous like that. The latter part is the more interesting...that's when the get the whale and start slaughtering it. Faint of heart, skip this one.
http://www.yhchang.com/BUST_DOWN_THE_DOORS!.html
Play that one on a computer with sound. It's a poem that's repeated eight or nine times and the pronouns change everytime. By the last time, it sounds kind of psychotic. And the music totally adds to the feeling.
There are a couple more I want to share, but the computers at work don't have the graphic cards to support the websites, so I'll post them later after I make sure the links work.
Happy Thursday!
But I went to a very cool lecture last night, which is a required part of my ENG325 class. The lecture was called "The Technology of Reading" and it explored some cool topics. For instance, I didn't know that humans shouldn't be able to read. We aren't "hard wired" for it, but somehow we manage to do it. Also, that revolutionary electronic book that everyone is so excited (the Kindle, just to name one) is actually very conservative. There are some books it wouldn't be able to play. Pretty much any book that has footnotes is out of reach for the "revolutionary" Kindle. (I enjoyed this part of the lecture especially, since I'm anti-Kindle because it takes away from bookstore sales and ultimately author sales).
The professor also made us aware of some pretty cool websites. I'll share them with you:
wefeelfine.org
This website is really awesome. The creator has this program that scans blogs (such as this one) and anytime it comes across the words "I feel..." it copies it to the website. They've composed a website full of emotions, basically. You can go to any date during the year and search any emotion and something will pop up. It's really cool... go check it out.
thewhalehunt.org
This is a mixture of cool and boring. This guy spent a week in Barrow, Alaska (I'm still trying to figure out why anyone would live in Barrow, Alasaka, but that's beside the point). As many of you might know, Alaska is pretty much full of eskimo's. He spent a week with an Inuit(spelt wrong, I'm sure) family who has special permission to hunt whales because that's how they pretty much make their living. He took his trusty camera along with him. Cool/boring thing is, he had it set to take pictures every 5 minutes. Faster, if his heart rate went up. This is cool because while they were actually out on the whale hunt, the camera was taking pictures like every thirty seconds. This is not so cool because it took pictures every 5 minutes even while he slept. In all, there's like 3214 pictures, or something ridiculous like that. The latter part is the more interesting...that's when the get the whale and start slaughtering it. Faint of heart, skip this one.
http://www.yhchang.com/BUST_DOWN_THE_DOORS!.html
Play that one on a computer with sound. It's a poem that's repeated eight or nine times and the pronouns change everytime. By the last time, it sounds kind of psychotic. And the music totally adds to the feeling.
There are a couple more I want to share, but the computers at work don't have the graphic cards to support the websites, so I'll post them later after I make sure the links work.
Happy Thursday!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
We don't need no education....
School started today. Should be an interesting semester.
Sports Documentary isn't as exciting as I thought it would be. I thought it would be more talking about forms of sports telecasting/reporting with sports programs assigned as homework, but it's a lot of watching movies and discussing how it affects the sports, how it's portrayed etc, etc. It's a 9am class, which is anything but early to me, but one of the girls sitting behind me came in and complained about how early it was and then the teacher said she "commended" all of us for picking an early class. Meanwhile I'm sitting there like "this is early??" Oh college students, you've got such a wake up call coming when you start in the real world. Especially since I've been thinking that if traffic settles down, I'll be able to sleep in until 730 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. lol.
My English 325 teacher is crazy. Very scatterbrained, but he seems enthusiastic about his job. Reminds me a LITTLE bit of Bob. Mostly because of his antics and scatterbrained tendencies. Today's class flew by, mostly because I didn't know what he was going to say next. What we were discussing wasn't even that exciting (yay, syllabus!) but he'd change voices and tell stories and it was just entertaining. Hopefully it continues the rest of the semester... it'll ALMOST make up for all the reading/paper writing I'll have to do. (I know I KNOW, I'm an English major... but damn there's a lot of paper's assigned this semester already!)
My English 202 teacher admitted that he's served time in jail about twenty minutes into class. He didn't want to be drafted during the Vietnam war, so he turned his draft card in and spent 18 months behind bars. He then proceeded to say "You might think I'm one of two things. Either I'm a coward, which is partly the case even though I thought my decision through very carefully and decided it was truly what I wanted to do; or that I'm crazy which might more hit the mark." I just find it ironic that he refused to go to war, but he's teaching a class on it. But anyone who admits that they're crazy less than thirty minutes into the first class is okay by me. haha. Course, then he showed about twenty minutes of Fahrenheit 9/11, so that kind of took away from the cool factor.
New receptionist starts at work tomorrow and I get to play trainer. Not too excited about this. The training part, I mean. I have no patience whatsoever and I'm going to have to dumb down my job (more so than it already is, because lets face it: how hard is it to answer phones, really??) so she can keep up. I learned the job in a day... but for some reason no one else has been able to come in and learn the ropes as well. We shall see...
I'm in love with this song right now. Interestingly enough, I read somewhere that B.o.B. and Hayley Williams have never met. Everything was taped and recorded in different places.
Sports Documentary isn't as exciting as I thought it would be. I thought it would be more talking about forms of sports telecasting/reporting with sports programs assigned as homework, but it's a lot of watching movies and discussing how it affects the sports, how it's portrayed etc, etc. It's a 9am class, which is anything but early to me, but one of the girls sitting behind me came in and complained about how early it was and then the teacher said she "commended" all of us for picking an early class. Meanwhile I'm sitting there like "this is early??" Oh college students, you've got such a wake up call coming when you start in the real world. Especially since I've been thinking that if traffic settles down, I'll be able to sleep in until 730 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. lol.
My English 325 teacher is crazy. Very scatterbrained, but he seems enthusiastic about his job. Reminds me a LITTLE bit of Bob. Mostly because of his antics and scatterbrained tendencies. Today's class flew by, mostly because I didn't know what he was going to say next. What we were discussing wasn't even that exciting (yay, syllabus!) but he'd change voices and tell stories and it was just entertaining. Hopefully it continues the rest of the semester... it'll ALMOST make up for all the reading/paper writing I'll have to do. (I know I KNOW, I'm an English major... but damn there's a lot of paper's assigned this semester already!)
My English 202 teacher admitted that he's served time in jail about twenty minutes into class. He didn't want to be drafted during the Vietnam war, so he turned his draft card in and spent 18 months behind bars. He then proceeded to say "You might think I'm one of two things. Either I'm a coward, which is partly the case even though I thought my decision through very carefully and decided it was truly what I wanted to do; or that I'm crazy which might more hit the mark." I just find it ironic that he refused to go to war, but he's teaching a class on it. But anyone who admits that they're crazy less than thirty minutes into the first class is okay by me. haha. Course, then he showed about twenty minutes of Fahrenheit 9/11, so that kind of took away from the cool factor.
New receptionist starts at work tomorrow and I get to play trainer. Not too excited about this. The training part, I mean. I have no patience whatsoever and I'm going to have to dumb down my job (more so than it already is, because lets face it: how hard is it to answer phones, really??) so she can keep up. I learned the job in a day... but for some reason no one else has been able to come in and learn the ropes as well. We shall see...
I'm in love with this song right now. Interestingly enough, I read somewhere that B.o.B. and Hayley Williams have never met. Everything was taped and recorded in different places.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Wonderin' why we bother with love if it never lasts
Hmmm... where to start this post?
Ran into an old friend in Target yesterday (like how I blog about something more than 24 hours after it happens? lol). Friend might be a loose term, but I'd like to think that at some point we were friends, and not just acquaintances because I was dating one of his close friends... but either way... haven't seen him in probably almost two years. Maybe more like a year and a half, because I broke up with this particular boyfriend two years ago. Anyways... it's been a while since I've seen him and a lot has happened in life since then. More so in his life than mine because mine is pretty boring and monotone. He's getting married next weekend. This isn't a shocker because I'm friends with him on Facebook and I saw when he got engaged. It is a bit surprising that it's so soon because he just got engaged in April. But maybe I'm just used to knowing people who are engaged for a year or longer before the actual ceremony. But in today's society people get married quickly for one of two reasons: either the girl is knocked up, or they actually want a speedy engagement. More commonly than not an engagement is fast because the girl is pregnant and they want the child to be "legitimate" when it comes into the world.
But after speculating (and snooping/stalking) I'm pretty sure this isn't the case in his situation. So props to him and his fiance for knowing that what they have is right and not wasting time with details. I really am happy for him, although slightly jealous. But then again, not jealous. He deserves it. He's been through a lot, and when he was my age I think he felt just as depressed and alone in love as sometimes feel now.
With that being said, I had a very strange dream with my ex in it last night, most likely because I ran into this old friend and it brought to mind my exboyfriend. I've had dreams about him recently, and they're almost the same tone. He and I are back together and I'm not happy about it. I usually spend most of the dream trying to figure out how to break up with him again. Last night's dream was a bit different. In this case he cheated on me but still wanted to be with me and I couldn't stand looking at him. In one part of the dream I actually snuck out of his house so that I didn't have to be with him, and then I got on a plane which turned into a bus. The part I remember most clearly was the seats on the bus were more like airplane seats and the window were more like portholes. I was sitting in a seat by the window listening to my ipod (at least I think it was an ipod, the layout was slightly different) and he came and sat down beside me and pulled out one of the earbuds that was lodged in my ear. Then I woke up. Random? I didn't eat anything right before bed last night, promise.
Went over all of this information with Becky at my massage today and she said she thinks its normal that even after two years I still dream about him. She said it's normal to still wonder about him and hope that he's doing okay. I'm not sure I sit around hoping he's okay (as horrible as that sounds). I'm curious about him because I want to know if he actually got the motivation to do the things I was trying to motivate him to do. One thing I can NOT stand is people who want something and then do nothing to go get it. If you don't like your job go out and get another one. If you want to go to school to make more money, find a way to do it. If you don't like living at home with your parents: fix it. I understand this is easier said than done, but don't complain night and day about these problems and then sit around and think it's impossible to fix. So I'm not curious about him in hopes that he's doing better. I have very little faith in thinking he's changed his situation, but I ask to be sure. Does this make me a mean person? Possibly. But there you have it. I have enough drama in my own life without trying to support someone else's dysfunctional family drama.
Ran into an old friend in Target yesterday (like how I blog about something more than 24 hours after it happens? lol). Friend might be a loose term, but I'd like to think that at some point we were friends, and not just acquaintances because I was dating one of his close friends... but either way... haven't seen him in probably almost two years. Maybe more like a year and a half, because I broke up with this particular boyfriend two years ago. Anyways... it's been a while since I've seen him and a lot has happened in life since then. More so in his life than mine because mine is pretty boring and monotone. He's getting married next weekend. This isn't a shocker because I'm friends with him on Facebook and I saw when he got engaged. It is a bit surprising that it's so soon because he just got engaged in April. But maybe I'm just used to knowing people who are engaged for a year or longer before the actual ceremony. But in today's society people get married quickly for one of two reasons: either the girl is knocked up, or they actually want a speedy engagement. More commonly than not an engagement is fast because the girl is pregnant and they want the child to be "legitimate" when it comes into the world.
But after speculating (and snooping/stalking) I'm pretty sure this isn't the case in his situation. So props to him and his fiance for knowing that what they have is right and not wasting time with details. I really am happy for him, although slightly jealous. But then again, not jealous. He deserves it. He's been through a lot, and when he was my age I think he felt just as depressed and alone in love as sometimes feel now.
With that being said, I had a very strange dream with my ex in it last night, most likely because I ran into this old friend and it brought to mind my exboyfriend. I've had dreams about him recently, and they're almost the same tone. He and I are back together and I'm not happy about it. I usually spend most of the dream trying to figure out how to break up with him again. Last night's dream was a bit different. In this case he cheated on me but still wanted to be with me and I couldn't stand looking at him. In one part of the dream I actually snuck out of his house so that I didn't have to be with him, and then I got on a plane which turned into a bus. The part I remember most clearly was the seats on the bus were more like airplane seats and the window were more like portholes. I was sitting in a seat by the window listening to my ipod (at least I think it was an ipod, the layout was slightly different) and he came and sat down beside me and pulled out one of the earbuds that was lodged in my ear. Then I woke up. Random? I didn't eat anything right before bed last night, promise.
Went over all of this information with Becky at my massage today and she said she thinks its normal that even after two years I still dream about him. She said it's normal to still wonder about him and hope that he's doing okay. I'm not sure I sit around hoping he's okay (as horrible as that sounds). I'm curious about him because I want to know if he actually got the motivation to do the things I was trying to motivate him to do. One thing I can NOT stand is people who want something and then do nothing to go get it. If you don't like your job go out and get another one. If you want to go to school to make more money, find a way to do it. If you don't like living at home with your parents: fix it. I understand this is easier said than done, but don't complain night and day about these problems and then sit around and think it's impossible to fix. So I'm not curious about him in hopes that he's doing better. I have very little faith in thinking he's changed his situation, but I ask to be sure. Does this make me a mean person? Possibly. But there you have it. I have enough drama in my own life without trying to support someone else's dysfunctional family drama.
Thought this was interesting
Alright, I've tried twice to post the link, but it won't let me...so I'm going to copy and paste the article. Found this on Yahoo, via their website Shine who apparently got it from Reader's Digest.
24 Things you're saying wrong:
You never mean: Could care less
You always mean: Couldn't care less
Why: You want to say you care so little already that you couldn't possibly care any less. When the Boston Celtics' Ray Allen said, "God could care less whether I can shoot a jump shot," we know he meant exactly the opposite because 1) God has other things on his mind, and 2) God is a Knicks fan.
You might say: Mano a mano
You might mean: Man-to-man
Why: You don't speak Spanish by adding vowels to the end of English words, as a columnist describing father–teenage son relationships seemed to think when he wrote, "Don't expect long, mano a mano talks." Mano a mano (literally, "hand to hand") originated with bullfighting and usually refers to a knock-down, drag-out direct confrontation.
You might say: Less
You might mean: Fewer
Why: In general, use fewer when you're specifying a number of countable things ("200 words or fewer"); reserve less for a mass ("less than half"). So when you're composing a tweet, do it in 140 characters or fewer, not less.
You never mean: Hone in
You always mean: Home in
Why: Like homing pigeons, we can be single-minded about finding our way to a point: "Scientists are homing in on the causes of cancer." Hone means "to sharpen": "The rookie spent the last three seasons honing his skills in the minor leagues." But it's easy to mishear m's and n's, which is probably what happened to the Virginia senator who said, "We've got to hone in on cost containment." If you're unsure, say "zero in" instead.
You might say: Bring
You might mean: Take
Why: The choice depends on your point of view. Use bring when you want to show motion toward you ("Bring the dog treats over here, please"). Use take to show motion in the opposite direction ("I have to take Rufus to the vet"). The rule gets confusing when the movement has nothing to do with you. In those cases, you can use either verb, depending on the context: "The assistant brought the shot to the vet" (the vet's point of view); "the assistant took the shot to the doctor" (the assistant's).
You might say: Who
You might mean: Whom
Why: It all depends. Do you need a subject or an object? A subject (who) is the actor of the sentence: "Who left the roller skates on the sidewalk?" An object (whom) is the acted-upon: "Whom are you calling?" Parents, hit the Mute button when Dora the Explorer shouts, "Who do we ask for help when we don't know which way to go?"
You almost never mean: Brother-in-laws, runner-ups, hole in ones, etc.
You almost always mean: Brothers-in-law, runners-up, holes in one, etc.
Why: Plurals of these compound nouns are formed by adding an s to the thing there's more than one of (brothers, not laws). Some exceptions: words ending in ful (mouthfuls) and phrases like cul-de-sacs.
You almost never mean: Try and
You almost always mean: Try to
Why: Try and try again, yes, but if you're planning to do something, use the infinitive form: "I'm going to try to run a marathon." Commenting on an online story about breakups, one woman wrote, "A guy I dated used to try and impress me with the choice of books he was reading." It's no surprise that the relationship didn't last.
You almost never mean: Different than
You almost always mean: Different from
Why: This isn't the biggest offense, but if you can easily substitute from for than (My mother's tomato sauce is different from my mother-in-law's), do it. Use than for comparisons: My mother's tomato sauce is better than my mother-in-law's.
You almost never mean: Beg the question
You almost always mean: Raise the question
Why: Correctly used, "begging the question" is like making a circular argument (I don't like you because you're so unlikable). But unless you're a philosophy professor, you shouldn't ever need this phrase. Stick to "raise the question."
You might say: More than
You can also say: Over
Why: The two are interchangeable when the sense is "Over 6,000 hats were sold." We like grammarian Bryan Garner's take on it: "The charge that over is inferior to more than is a baseless crotchet."
You almost never mean: Supposably
You almost always mean: Supposedly
Why: Supposably is, in fact, a word—it means "conceivably"—but not the one you want if you're trying to say "it's assumed," and certainly not the one you want if you're on a first date with an English major or a job interview with an English speaker.
You might say: All of
You probably mean: All
Why: Drop the of whenever you can, as Julia Roberts recently did, correctly: "Every little moment is amazing if you let yourself access it. I learn that all the time from my kids." But you need all of before a pronoun ("all of them") and before a possessive noun ("all of Julia's kids").
You might say: That
You might mean: Which
Why: "The money that is on the table is for you" is different from "the money, which is on the table, is for you." That pinpoints the subject: The money that is on the table is yours; the money in my pocket is mine. Which introduces an aside, a bit of extra information. If you remove "which is on the table," you won't change the meaning: The money is for you (oh, and unless you don't want it, it's on the table). If the clause is necessary to your meaning, use that; if it could safely be omitted, say which.
You never mean: Outside of
You always mean: Outside
Why: These two prepositions weren't meant for each other. Perfectly acceptable: "Wearing a cheese-head hat outside Wisconsin will likely earn you some stares and glares (unless you're surrounded by Green Bay Packers fans, that is)."
You might say: Each other
You might mean: One another
Why: Tradition says that each other should be used with two people or things, and one another with more than two, and careful speakers should follow suit: "The three presenters argued with one another over who should announce the award, but Ann and Barbara gave each other flowers after the ceremony." (By the way, if you need the possessive form of either one when writing that business letter, it's always each other's and one another's; never end with s'.)
8 Confusing Pairs
leery, wary: suspicious
weary: tired
farther: for physical distance
further: for metaphorical distance or time
principle: rule
principal: of your school
compliment: nice thing to say
complement: match
continual: ongoing but intermittent
continuous: without interruption
stationary: stands still
stationery: paper
imply: to suggest a meaning
infer: to draw meaning from something
affect: typically a verb, meaning "to act upon or cause an effect"; as a noun, it's "an emotional response"
effect: typically a noun, meaning "something produced," like a special effect; as a verb, "to bring about," as in "to effect change"
Reading that kind of made my head hurt trying to figure out the differences, but still very interesting.
24 Things you're saying wrong:
You never mean: Could care less
You always mean: Couldn't care less
Why: You want to say you care so little already that you couldn't possibly care any less. When the Boston Celtics' Ray Allen said, "God could care less whether I can shoot a jump shot," we know he meant exactly the opposite because 1) God has other things on his mind, and 2) God is a Knicks fan.
You might say: Mano a mano
You might mean: Man-to-man
Why: You don't speak Spanish by adding vowels to the end of English words, as a columnist describing father–teenage son relationships seemed to think when he wrote, "Don't expect long, mano a mano talks." Mano a mano (literally, "hand to hand") originated with bullfighting and usually refers to a knock-down, drag-out direct confrontation.
You might say: Less
You might mean: Fewer
Why: In general, use fewer when you're specifying a number of countable things ("200 words or fewer"); reserve less for a mass ("less than half"). So when you're composing a tweet, do it in 140 characters or fewer, not less.
You never mean: Hone in
You always mean: Home in
Why: Like homing pigeons, we can be single-minded about finding our way to a point: "Scientists are homing in on the causes of cancer." Hone means "to sharpen": "The rookie spent the last three seasons honing his skills in the minor leagues." But it's easy to mishear m's and n's, which is probably what happened to the Virginia senator who said, "We've got to hone in on cost containment." If you're unsure, say "zero in" instead.
You might say: Bring
You might mean: Take
Why: The choice depends on your point of view. Use bring when you want to show motion toward you ("Bring the dog treats over here, please"). Use take to show motion in the opposite direction ("I have to take Rufus to the vet"). The rule gets confusing when the movement has nothing to do with you. In those cases, you can use either verb, depending on the context: "The assistant brought the shot to the vet" (the vet's point of view); "the assistant took the shot to the doctor" (the assistant's).
You might say: Who
You might mean: Whom
Why: It all depends. Do you need a subject or an object? A subject (who) is the actor of the sentence: "Who left the roller skates on the sidewalk?" An object (whom) is the acted-upon: "Whom are you calling?" Parents, hit the Mute button when Dora the Explorer shouts, "Who do we ask for help when we don't know which way to go?"
You almost never mean: Brother-in-laws, runner-ups, hole in ones, etc.
You almost always mean: Brothers-in-law, runners-up, holes in one, etc.
Why: Plurals of these compound nouns are formed by adding an s to the thing there's more than one of (brothers, not laws). Some exceptions: words ending in ful (mouthfuls) and phrases like cul-de-sacs.
You almost never mean: Try and
You almost always mean: Try to
Why: Try and try again, yes, but if you're planning to do something, use the infinitive form: "I'm going to try to run a marathon." Commenting on an online story about breakups, one woman wrote, "A guy I dated used to try and impress me with the choice of books he was reading." It's no surprise that the relationship didn't last.
You almost never mean: Different than
You almost always mean: Different from
Why: This isn't the biggest offense, but if you can easily substitute from for than (My mother's tomato sauce is different from my mother-in-law's), do it. Use than for comparisons: My mother's tomato sauce is better than my mother-in-law's.
You almost never mean: Beg the question
You almost always mean: Raise the question
Why: Correctly used, "begging the question" is like making a circular argument (I don't like you because you're so unlikable). But unless you're a philosophy professor, you shouldn't ever need this phrase. Stick to "raise the question."
You might say: More than
You can also say: Over
Why: The two are interchangeable when the sense is "Over 6,000 hats were sold." We like grammarian Bryan Garner's take on it: "The charge that over is inferior to more than is a baseless crotchet."
You almost never mean: Supposably
You almost always mean: Supposedly
Why: Supposably is, in fact, a word—it means "conceivably"—but not the one you want if you're trying to say "it's assumed," and certainly not the one you want if you're on a first date with an English major or a job interview with an English speaker.
You might say: All of
You probably mean: All
Why: Drop the of whenever you can, as Julia Roberts recently did, correctly: "Every little moment is amazing if you let yourself access it. I learn that all the time from my kids." But you need all of before a pronoun ("all of them") and before a possessive noun ("all of Julia's kids").
You might say: That
You might mean: Which
Why: "The money that is on the table is for you" is different from "the money, which is on the table, is for you." That pinpoints the subject: The money that is on the table is yours; the money in my pocket is mine. Which introduces an aside, a bit of extra information. If you remove "which is on the table," you won't change the meaning: The money is for you (oh, and unless you don't want it, it's on the table). If the clause is necessary to your meaning, use that; if it could safely be omitted, say which.
You never mean: Outside of
You always mean: Outside
Why: These two prepositions weren't meant for each other. Perfectly acceptable: "Wearing a cheese-head hat outside Wisconsin will likely earn you some stares and glares (unless you're surrounded by Green Bay Packers fans, that is)."
You might say: Each other
You might mean: One another
Why: Tradition says that each other should be used with two people or things, and one another with more than two, and careful speakers should follow suit: "The three presenters argued with one another over who should announce the award, but Ann and Barbara gave each other flowers after the ceremony." (By the way, if you need the possessive form of either one when writing that business letter, it's always each other's and one another's; never end with s'.)
8 Confusing Pairs
leery, wary: suspicious
weary: tired
farther: for physical distance
further: for metaphorical distance or time
principle: rule
principal: of your school
compliment: nice thing to say
complement: match
continual: ongoing but intermittent
continuous: without interruption
stationary: stands still
stationery: paper
imply: to suggest a meaning
infer: to draw meaning from something
affect: typically a verb, meaning "to act upon or cause an effect"; as a noun, it's "an emotional response"
effect: typically a noun, meaning "something produced," like a special effect; as a verb, "to bring about," as in "to effect change"
Reading that kind of made my head hurt trying to figure out the differences, but still very interesting.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tired of playing ignorant because of you
I finished reading "The Quiet American" today. It's kind of funny because this book is the shortest out of anything I've been assigned, and so far it's taken me the longest time to read. I started it last Thursday and just couldn't get into it. I even tried reading it during some slow parts of the weekend and still couldn't get into it. Finally I picked it back up in earnest today and made it through to the end. It's actually not a bad book, just starts off really slowly. Around page 70 it finally picks up and gets interesting. There have been two movies made from it... both called The Quiet American. One made it the 50's and one made in 2002. I'm going to try and watch both before school starts because it helps me remember names and places. Also, I'm kind of tired of reading books that portray Americans as the bad guys. Hasn't someone out there produced a book in which Americans do well overseas??
Anyone else following the mine disaster in South America? Anyone else flabbergasted by the fact it's going to take MONTHS to get those miners out of the mine? Now, I haven't been watching the news, just reading updates about it on Yahoo, but that seems slightly ridiculous to me. Is it because of technology? Is it because they're afraid the mine will collapse? Is anyone else afraid that by the time they get to those miners there won't be anyone alive? I feel sorry for everyone involved.
Well... I'm heading to the bank (I got a refund check from Mason b/c the financial aid amount I requested is more than Mason costs a semester. I should probably give it back so that that amount doesn't grow interest... but I'm going to end up putting it towards my credit card bill since I used that to buy books and a parking permit.) and then off to Target because the kids (the cats) need to eat. And my stomach is reminding me that I do too...
found this while looking for a non creepy version of Coldplay's video (Chris Martin's teeth need work...). But I thought this was pretty fabulous. Coldplay's will be below... (okay, all the videos with the creepy teeth sections wouldn't let me post them.. but seriously, his mouth needed some work. Go to youtube and look it up...)
Anyone else following the mine disaster in South America? Anyone else flabbergasted by the fact it's going to take MONTHS to get those miners out of the mine? Now, I haven't been watching the news, just reading updates about it on Yahoo, but that seems slightly ridiculous to me. Is it because of technology? Is it because they're afraid the mine will collapse? Is anyone else afraid that by the time they get to those miners there won't be anyone alive? I feel sorry for everyone involved.
Well... I'm heading to the bank (I got a refund check from Mason b/c the financial aid amount I requested is more than Mason costs a semester. I should probably give it back so that that amount doesn't grow interest... but I'm going to end up putting it towards my credit card bill since I used that to buy books and a parking permit.) and then off to Target because the kids (the cats) need to eat. And my stomach is reminding me that I do too...
found this while looking for a non creepy version of Coldplay's video (Chris Martin's teeth need work...). But I thought this was pretty fabulous. Coldplay's will be below... (okay, all the videos with the creepy teeth sections wouldn't let me post them.. but seriously, his mouth needed some work. Go to youtube and look it up...)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
They say bad things happen for a reason but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
I got to escape Virginia over the weekend. I can't say that it was about damn time to get out.... because I did spend a week in New England a month ago. But shit has really hit the fan around here this past month, so escaping even for two days was totally necessary for my sanity. The only thing that might have thrown a wrench into it was that I traveled with my dad... and if you all recall from a few posts back... we weren't on the best of speaking terms. But we played nice... and totally ignored the issue at hand... because the entire reason for the trip was to go support my uncle (his brother) who was being inducted into his high school's hall of fame for football accomplishments.
Let me just start out by saying how ignorant I've been of everything my uncle actually achieved while he was a football player. Scratch that. I've been totally ignorant of everything my uncle achieved during his life thus far. I had no idea he was an All-American. Had no idea he could have gone pro if he didn't elect to coach instead. Fascinating stuff.
It was a great weekend. I haven't seen this uncle and his wife in years... probably since 2001/2002, the year after Mommom died. It's kind of sad that she was the strongest piece of glue holding the family together, but on the other hand, I get it. We're all growing up. We've all got seperate lives now. Plus I think it's awkward with my parents being separated and the rest of the family still in working marriages... maybe not and I'm just paranoid.
I just love being able to spend time in Steeler Country. Normally it doesn't bug me that I live in Deadskin territory, but around football season when you walk into Target and see Redskins merchandise for cheaper prices than buying it online, it kind of bites. Plus, being able to watch games on TV without needing special channels to view it is nice too.
We even stopped in Pittsburgh on our way home Sunday. I think Dad was really trying to suck up to me at this point, lol. I can't even express how much I love that city. I'd been tense all weekend, but as soon as I drove through the Ft. Pitt tunnel and saw the city laid out in front of me, I couldn't stop smiling. Ft. Pitt has got to be the best tunnel, EVER. It's just the greatest thing ever to be driving down the parkway with Mount Washington in front of you and no view at all of the city that's behind it. Then you enter the tunnel and of course everyone slows down (which never makes any sense to me...) and I always unconsciously start rocking back and forth in my seat trying to will the cars to move faster. Then the darkness starts fading. First, just a little... enough to tease you (is the end of the tunnel coming? mmmm... maybe!) and then it's somewhat blinding (you know, darkness around the edges of the car, but just a bright blinding light ahead) and then volia! No more tunnel; just a bright yellow bridge and sky and skyline. To the right is Station Square and all of it's glamour, but beyond that at about 2 o'clock is my happy place.
Needless to say, it was a fight to get me home.
...cuz when a heart breaks, it don't break even.
Let me just start out by saying how ignorant I've been of everything my uncle actually achieved while he was a football player. Scratch that. I've been totally ignorant of everything my uncle achieved during his life thus far. I had no idea he was an All-American. Had no idea he could have gone pro if he didn't elect to coach instead. Fascinating stuff.
It was a great weekend. I haven't seen this uncle and his wife in years... probably since 2001/2002, the year after Mommom died. It's kind of sad that she was the strongest piece of glue holding the family together, but on the other hand, I get it. We're all growing up. We've all got seperate lives now. Plus I think it's awkward with my parents being separated and the rest of the family still in working marriages... maybe not and I'm just paranoid.
I just love being able to spend time in Steeler Country. Normally it doesn't bug me that I live in Deadskin territory, but around football season when you walk into Target and see Redskins merchandise for cheaper prices than buying it online, it kind of bites. Plus, being able to watch games on TV without needing special channels to view it is nice too.
We even stopped in Pittsburgh on our way home Sunday. I think Dad was really trying to suck up to me at this point, lol. I can't even express how much I love that city. I'd been tense all weekend, but as soon as I drove through the Ft. Pitt tunnel and saw the city laid out in front of me, I couldn't stop smiling. Ft. Pitt has got to be the best tunnel, EVER. It's just the greatest thing ever to be driving down the parkway with Mount Washington in front of you and no view at all of the city that's behind it. Then you enter the tunnel and of course everyone slows down (which never makes any sense to me...) and I always unconsciously start rocking back and forth in my seat trying to will the cars to move faster. Then the darkness starts fading. First, just a little... enough to tease you (is the end of the tunnel coming? mmmm... maybe!) and then it's somewhat blinding (you know, darkness around the edges of the car, but just a bright blinding light ahead) and then volia! No more tunnel; just a bright yellow bridge and sky and skyline. To the right is Station Square and all of it's glamour, but beyond that at about 2 o'clock is my happy place.
Needless to say, it was a fight to get me home.
...cuz when a heart breaks, it don't break even.
Monday, August 23, 2010
waist-deep in deep thought
Someone the other day asked me why I like writing. And I think my answer confused them more than anything else, because it's difficult.
Most of the time, I love being creative. Why wouldn't I? Whenever life gets boring I can escape to my own world with people I actually like 99% of the time. If I create a character I don't like... I can do whatever I want with them! Which means if they piss me off, I can dump coffee on them or even kill them off without any consequences.
I like entertaining. The most important thing to remember when you write is that you might not get published. This is a huge blow to some people... but for those of us who write to entertain friends or just to get thoughts down on paper, this is no big deal. In fact, half the time I'm happy just imagining how I want my stories to go, but it's through people pestering me that I actually get it down on paper and edited into an acceptable form.
I like the praise I receive from people who read it and love it. I love when I pass my writing off and then am able to discuss it with people like its a real event. I love book clubs because I love diving into a story line and discussing characters. I love it even more when it's my story and my characters. I could talk about them all night because the characters are real to me. In fact, they're more real to me than my neighbors.
But sometimes I don't like writing. Sometimes it feels like a burden. There are times when I sit down in front of the computer and I know EXACTLY how I want it to sound but once I get it out on paper it reads like shit. That upsets me. Sometimes I know exactly where I want more story to go, but I can't get it there. Conversation doesn't move right, or events don't feel real. Then I have to rethink my plot.
Whenever I don't type for a while, I picture my characters hanging out there in limbo wondering what the hell is going on. Whenever I finish a project, I don't like the emptiness I feel while waiting for another idea to hit me. And once another idea does finally sink in, I don't like getting aquanted with new people. The series I'm working on now has been in the works since I was in the seventh grade. It took me ten years to get a first novel out that I was satisfied with, and I'm still tweaking it because I don't like how parts came out. I understand that there is only so much editing you can do before you start messing with a good thing, but I don't think I've reached perfection yet. I'm satisfied with it, I'm not happy.
But you can see why I don't like putting something down...
Sometimes I feel like I live vicariously through my characters. I'm not out hanging out with friends on a Friday night? That's okay... I've got Amber and Jason to turn to. Their lives are more interesting.
Sometimes I wish my life was more like a movie. Not as predictable... something with more action and a little more worthwhile. It's times like those I get somewhat outlandish ideas for things in my books. It doesn't always end up in the series I'm working on now... but it does come out in other writing (like my idea for an American exchange student who falls in love with a foreign prince... or a journalist who starts dating a quarterback).
This is definitely something I need to get over.
But anyways... that is why my ability to write is a double edged sword.
I love this song... but it makes me sad for some unknown reason. Probably because it's so true.
Most of the time, I love being creative. Why wouldn't I? Whenever life gets boring I can escape to my own world with people I actually like 99% of the time. If I create a character I don't like... I can do whatever I want with them! Which means if they piss me off, I can dump coffee on them or even kill them off without any consequences.
I like entertaining. The most important thing to remember when you write is that you might not get published. This is a huge blow to some people... but for those of us who write to entertain friends or just to get thoughts down on paper, this is no big deal. In fact, half the time I'm happy just imagining how I want my stories to go, but it's through people pestering me that I actually get it down on paper and edited into an acceptable form.
I like the praise I receive from people who read it and love it. I love when I pass my writing off and then am able to discuss it with people like its a real event. I love book clubs because I love diving into a story line and discussing characters. I love it even more when it's my story and my characters. I could talk about them all night because the characters are real to me. In fact, they're more real to me than my neighbors.
But sometimes I don't like writing. Sometimes it feels like a burden. There are times when I sit down in front of the computer and I know EXACTLY how I want it to sound but once I get it out on paper it reads like shit. That upsets me. Sometimes I know exactly where I want more story to go, but I can't get it there. Conversation doesn't move right, or events don't feel real. Then I have to rethink my plot.
Whenever I don't type for a while, I picture my characters hanging out there in limbo wondering what the hell is going on. Whenever I finish a project, I don't like the emptiness I feel while waiting for another idea to hit me. And once another idea does finally sink in, I don't like getting aquanted with new people. The series I'm working on now has been in the works since I was in the seventh grade. It took me ten years to get a first novel out that I was satisfied with, and I'm still tweaking it because I don't like how parts came out. I understand that there is only so much editing you can do before you start messing with a good thing, but I don't think I've reached perfection yet. I'm satisfied with it, I'm not happy.
But you can see why I don't like putting something down...
Sometimes I feel like I live vicariously through my characters. I'm not out hanging out with friends on a Friday night? That's okay... I've got Amber and Jason to turn to. Their lives are more interesting.
Sometimes I wish my life was more like a movie. Not as predictable... something with more action and a little more worthwhile. It's times like those I get somewhat outlandish ideas for things in my books. It doesn't always end up in the series I'm working on now... but it does come out in other writing (like my idea for an American exchange student who falls in love with a foreign prince... or a journalist who starts dating a quarterback).
This is definitely something I need to get over.
But anyways... that is why my ability to write is a double edged sword.
I love this song... but it makes me sad for some unknown reason. Probably because it's so true.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
We share the same star
Started and finished Rooftops in Tehran today. Having interesting books to read as school assignments is still a foreign concept to me... but I haven't found a book from this semester's list that I haven't enjoyed (okay, Baghdad Burning was a bit hard to get through, but it was extremely enlightening to get that perspective from someone living in Baghdad).
Rooftops in Tehran is amazing. And I know I said that about In Cold Blood, but this is amazing in a completely opposite way. This book is essentially a love story about a couple in Iran right before the Iranian revolution. Zari has been engaged to another man since birth because her parents are friends with his parents and they wanted to ensure they remain friends forever. Her fiance is called Doctor and is part of a political group that opposes the Shah. To make a long story short (and because all of you really need to read this book), Doctor gets arrested by the (not so) secret police and killed. Zari and Pasha (the character who is telling this story) admit that they've fallen in love with each other. But tragedy falls and because I'm delusional and believe some of you might actually go out and read the book, I'm not going to ruin the end of the book. This is where Bob would interject (ha, he hates that adjective) and say that he hates when people say they don't want to ruin the end of something... it doesn't ruin a novel or a movie when the end is revealed. You read a book/see a movie for the entire experience of the book/movie, not just for the end. But still, I'm not revealing anything. Go read the book!
I've been reading mostly books about the Middle East... and I'm sure this is the point of the book assignments... but it's very interesting to read what these people think of us. Usually it's not good... although in ROT (Rooftops of Tehran) they'll say how much they hate America, then in the same breath talk about how their kids need to go to an American university because that's the only way to succeed in Iran and also the only way to advance the situation of people in Iran. This novel takes place in 1974/75 and I'm not very educated on Iran in this era, but now I want to do some reading about it. But another thing that apparently people believed was that we'd figured out how to heat all the pavement in the country in order to keep roads from freezing. I laughed out loud about that.
Anyways, I'm still at work and technically should be working... and I'm freezing so I can't feel my fingers as I type and it's almost time to go see Cammie and Becky... so I'm going to bid adieu and stop typing here.
Rooftops in Tehran is amazing. And I know I said that about In Cold Blood, but this is amazing in a completely opposite way. This book is essentially a love story about a couple in Iran right before the Iranian revolution. Zari has been engaged to another man since birth because her parents are friends with his parents and they wanted to ensure they remain friends forever. Her fiance is called Doctor and is part of a political group that opposes the Shah. To make a long story short (and because all of you really need to read this book), Doctor gets arrested by the (not so) secret police and killed. Zari and Pasha (the character who is telling this story) admit that they've fallen in love with each other. But tragedy falls and because I'm delusional and believe some of you might actually go out and read the book, I'm not going to ruin the end of the book. This is where Bob would interject (ha, he hates that adjective) and say that he hates when people say they don't want to ruin the end of something... it doesn't ruin a novel or a movie when the end is revealed. You read a book/see a movie for the entire experience of the book/movie, not just for the end. But still, I'm not revealing anything. Go read the book!
I've been reading mostly books about the Middle East... and I'm sure this is the point of the book assignments... but it's very interesting to read what these people think of us. Usually it's not good... although in ROT (Rooftops of Tehran) they'll say how much they hate America, then in the same breath talk about how their kids need to go to an American university because that's the only way to succeed in Iran and also the only way to advance the situation of people in Iran. This novel takes place in 1974/75 and I'm not very educated on Iran in this era, but now I want to do some reading about it. But another thing that apparently people believed was that we'd figured out how to heat all the pavement in the country in order to keep roads from freezing. I laughed out loud about that.
Anyways, I'm still at work and technically should be working... and I'm freezing so I can't feel my fingers as I type and it's almost time to go see Cammie and Becky... so I'm going to bid adieu and stop typing here.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
It's POSSIBLE she may have misunderstood us...
Interesting day today. If by definition "interesting" means getting to sleep in, arguing with my father about how I treat his mistress, deciding I'm finally going to talk to my mom about moving back in with her, then having my mom tell my dad that I want to move out (I actually wanted to be the one to tell him that), thinking the whole ride home from work that I was going to be having a huge confrontation when I got home just to get home and have him leave...
Anyways, finished In Cold Blood today. Capote is a genius. I will be renting the movie this evening to watch. I think either "Lolita" or "Rooftops of Tehran" is next. One and a half weeks until classes start.... ten books left to read if I truly want to get a jump start on the semester.
Anyways, finished In Cold Blood today. Capote is a genius. I will be renting the movie this evening to watch. I think either "Lolita" or "Rooftops of Tehran" is next. One and a half weeks until classes start.... ten books left to read if I truly want to get a jump start on the semester.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)