Tuesday, September 28, 2010

at the bottom looking up

I've been in a slump recently. And I don't mean just a writing slump. I'm in a school and work are controlling my life slump. But I can't even blame it totally on that. I think I'm lonely. Scratch the think. I am lonely. I don't help myself, I know. I'm a homebody. You don't meet people by being homebodies. And I understand there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Up until recently, I've been mostly content being alone. There was a period last year where I wasn't okay with it anymore and I did something about it. That failed miserably (I'm talking about my experiences with eHarmony). I'm tired of hearing all the "inspirational" talk from people. I understand I'm young. I'm 24, I have time. I'm not asking to find my soulmate. I just want someone who understands me... who shares my goals.

The other part that is depressing is that I honestly don't have much time for myself, I don't know how I'd start a relationship. Dad keeps telling me I need to learn balance. What he doesn't understand is that I've already learned balance. I'm balancing work and schoolwork. If I don't want to fail school, that takes up most of my free time. BAH.

I know I'm just stressed.... and it helped to vent.

On another blah note.... I got a C+ on a paper I thought I did well on. So now I'm second guessing everything I write. I hate academic writing.

On a happy note.... 12 weeks until the end of the semester. Yay...


Sunday, September 26, 2010

What I'm up to...

I PROMISE I'm not neglecting my blog. But, as I've mentioned at least a million times before, school is consuming all of my time. Which means I'm writing, probably a lot more than I did before, but just anything fun. I did go to a lecture on Friday (required for class, of course) but it was extremely interesting and inspirational. I had to write a paper about it (of course), and so I'll post what I wrote below:

Greg Mortenson’s presentation was more of an experience than an event. I bought Mr. Mortenson’s book a couple weeks ago after I decided to go to his lecture, but I haven’t read it yet. With this being said, I was a bit ignorant walking into the Concert Hall. I couldn’t believe the sheer amount of people that came to hear him speak. I was there early, just after six twenty, and already the main level seats were full and I was forced to the balcony. Sitting in my seat, I was crowded on both sides by attendees who were quite obviously not there because a class required them to be. The woman beside me had both of his books clutched in her lap and flipped through them, anxiously waiting for the program to start. Her book was a mess: covered in notes, underlined, highlighted and dog eared. When the lights finally dimmed, she leaned forward in her seat; trying to get as close to the stage as she possibly could.
When the program started, I felt strangely like I was part of a State of the Union address: the speaker would say something and the audience would burst into applause if they approved of it. Gerry Connolly’s speech felt more like a way to gain votes than to introduce Mortenson, and since C-SPAN was taping the event, it probably was. But my attitude towards the program changed as soon as Mortenson started speaking. He wasn’t someone looking for applause or approval. He convinced me that he was genuinely concerned with the children and communities in Afghanistan and Pakistan. His insight into their culture is priceless. If the leaders of our country would take the time to submerge themselves into the culture in the way that Mortenson has done, the war we’re fighting would become a much easier battle.
Mortenson showed a picture of the first school they built and it was heartwarming to see the smiling faces, but what really caught my eye was a poster on one of the walls depicting missiles and mines; just a reminder that their safety concerns are worlds apart from our own. The image that I will probably always remember is that of two men (with long dark beards, dressed in their traditional robes with the turbans, looking like they could be straight from the Taliban) swinging on the swing set in the playground for the children. In the picture, they’re smiling and laughing and made me realize that despite how different our cultures are, we have much in common.
On the outside, Greg Mortenson’s program was meant to promote his work with the Afghan and Pakistani children. But he accomplished much more. He is one man working to educate and make secure sections of a very insecure country, but in doing this he is also securing America’s future. Ignorance leads to terrorism, but by educating the future of Afghanistan and Pakistan, he’s working to eliminate future Taliban leaders. He’s working to create intelligent children who will reshape the economies of their countries so that they don’t live in fear.

That's a rough draft... its due on Thursday so I'll probably go back and make some edits before I turn it in for a grade... but there. Some interesting writing that I did for school. Now, back to the uninteresting stuff...

Monday, September 20, 2010

Sparkles.

Tried something new tonight. I wrote a paper while drinking a beer.

Now, writing a paper is not anything new for me (I'm an English paper... it's kind of expected). Drinking a beer isn't new either...although not exactly typical. I hate beer. I'm usually a liquor type of person. But there was a bunch of beer in the fridge (dad is home full time now (bummer) and so the fridge is stocked again (not a bummer)), it's been a rough week and a half, and there wasn't anything to mix the Captain Morgan into (I wanted a drink to sip, not to shoot). So I grabbed the beer. It was pretty good actually... It's called Shock Top and I think it's made my Michelob. It's a Belgian white beer. But I'm now off topic.

What was new was the writing of the paper while drinking the alcohol. I'm either going to discover something completely brilliant tomorrow when I go back to edit, or I'm going to have one hell of a mess to clean up. I'll keep you posted.



I just randomly remembered this song from when I was in high school. It's pretty hilarious. But, I'm a bit tipsy... so maybe my judgement isn't to be trusted.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

I'm not crazy

I've wanted to update like three times this last week and have passed out instead. School is kicking my ass. But here I am now. Ta-da! haha

I deleted AIM (AOL instant messenger) from my laptop the other day. I'm not really sure why I ever downloaded it onto the laptop because the laptop is two and a half years old and I stopped using AIM about four years ago... not to say I haven't used it since then... but anyways, deleting it kind of felt like the end of an era. Before text messaging and Facebook status updates there was AIM. Checking away messages and scrolling through profiles used to be the cool thing to do before Myspace and Facebook popped up. There really was no reason to keep AIM since there are people I'd rather not run into on AIM if they still use it... but it still felt sad. Like deleting the last part of high school.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Never forget

It seems important today to reflect on the event that happened nine years ago.

Nine years ago I was a sophomore in high school, sitting in PE. It was the second week of school, so I was still trying to get the feel for my teachers and my new classmates. Looking back, I'm glad that I was in PE at the time. Unlike almost everyone else in the room, I'd had this PE teacher before (he usually only taught sophomores, but the class sizes the year before had been so large that he had to take on a freshmen class, and I was in it) so I knew him and he knew me. After the announcement was made, I looked at his reaction and got my first inclination that things weren't as nonchalant as it seemed. It was the end of class just a few minutes before the bell rang, when the intercom crackled to life and the principal came on. In my remaining years at Hylton, whenever the principal came on the loudspeaker my blood would run cold and for a minute or so I'd forget how to breathe; every time I'd be transferred back to 9/11 and his somber announcement.

The announcement was simple: two planes had flown into the WTC in New York, another had crashed into the Pentagon and another was still in the air. That, more or less, was it. After all, we were all high school students. The oldest students in the building were 18, the youngest 14... could we handle the fact that our nation was under attack?? In retrospect, it was probably insane that he didn't say anything else. We were left for the rest of the day to wonder around in complete numbness, watching the reactions of people around us.

Teachers were crying.

Students were pulled from classrooms without any explanation.

The hallways were silent. Even in between classes when the entire student body filled the tiny spaces. People spoke in whispers.

Teachers groped for information. They'd been strictly informed NOT to discuss the days' events with us. The few teachers that had cable in the classroom would turn their TV sets on to news channels in order to gain any glimmer of information between classes. Whenever students entered the classroom they'd switch them off. My math teacher was not fast enough turning off her TV set.

We watched the North Tower collapse live. The silence on the airwaves after the live footage still haunts me.

Even then, it didn't sink in for us what was going on. After all, we were America... no one could attack us. We're bordered by Mexico and Canada, the Atlantic and Pacific oceans... we were untouchable! There was no way someone could breech our security and intentionally harm us.

The rest of the school day passed in a blur. Teachers were still trying to teach their subjects as instructed by the school administration. On the bus ride home, everyone was a buzz. We were talking about students we knew who had parents that worked in the Pentagon. One of the planes had been hijacked from Dulles, and there was a rumor floating that a girl in our year had a father on one of the planes, headed somewhere for a business trip.

It still felt surreal.

I remember getting home and Mom telling me she couldn't get a hold of Dad. He works in DC, no where near the pentagon so there wasn't really any fear of him being injured... but the lack of information and a creative imagination works in the same way as a child trying to force two mismatched puzzle pieces together. It was later that we learned relatives from out of state were trying desperately to get through to us to make sure we were okay, but couldn't. I don't know how many people remember: The phone lines were pretty much jammed that day.

Mom took us to get haircuts. I think she wanted us out of the house and away from the TV, but we couldn't escape it. I had to put a CD in because the radio stations weren't playing music. The Hair Cuttery we went to had the radio turned up so the stylists could hear. The announcer kept calling the day's events "The attack on America." For the first time all day, I'm finally terrified.

After the fact, it's easy to look back and say what could have been done, what SHOULD have been done. But these ultimately don't matter. The only thing that matters is what was done. Maybe I'm ignorant, but I refuse to believe that an American leader would allow this to happen if informed about it. President Bush has been criticized several times for rejecting memos that tried to tell him about the growing threat. The same link has been made to FDR about Pearl Harbor. I don't believe it... and again, maybe I'm ignorant.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_for_the_day_of_the_September_11_attacks

(time line of the 9/11 attacks)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Bah.

Alright, I know it looks like I've forgotten to post this past week. But I haven't, honestly. I feel like crap and have had so much homework I have very little Stephanie time... let alone blog/writing time. Which makes me sad. So this post will also be short, but at least it's an update, right?

It truly is the little things in life that make me the happiest.

Example: I stopped by Burger King (or the BK Lounge as some call it... if you listen to Dane Cook you know what I mean) after work today. I was already frustrated because of things going on at work...and also because traffic SUCKED. And then I forgot to ask for ranch dressing. If you know anything about me, you know I LOVE ranch dressing. It's a necessity of life. So I was pissed because it was just another thing to add to the list of things that went wrong today. But then I get home and sitting at the top of the bag were two ranch containers. The lady gave them to me without me asking for them. It made me smile. =)

Thursday, September 2, 2010

as promised, with a little more thrown in.

Made it home, remembered to look up those links. Could only find one, because try as I might for the second one, google just couldn't find it. But the following link is really the best anyways.

http://www.asciimation.co.nz/

This is flipping awesome. Especially if you're a star wars fan. It's the entire Episode IV illustrated in text. I've only seen parts of it, but from what I've seen, its pretty cool. Definitely worth watching at least a few minutes. If you're a die hard Star Wars fan you'll probably want to watch all of it... so knock yourself out.

The other link I was going to post was the script of Episode IV flashed across the screen letter by letter. It's really not as interesting as the first link because you really can't follow it, but it's still neat to watch a few seconds and move on. But, since Google is being retarded... guess you'll just have to use your imagination on that one.

I've noticed something interesting just recently. Two of the songs I'm really into at the moment are both about girls who don't believe in love until the right guy finds them and suddenly they're believers. I can almost relate to the songs b/c I'm still in the first stage... not quite believing true love really exists except on paper, in stories. I've been saying for a while now it almost seems easier to get divorced than to meet someone... and my dating experiences definitely validate that point. Here are the songs:

Paramore: You are the Only Exception


I was trying to get the official video.. you know, the one with the band, not some cheesy version that someone put together... but it wouldn't let me have the embedded code. Oh well.

Taylor Swift: Mine


Wasn't expecting that to let me post the actual video since it was JUST released a few days ago....but there you go.

"I was a flight risk with a fear of falling, wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts."

"Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts and we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face..."

What the eff was I thinking?

So I blogged a couple days about classes starting. I'm blogging today to report that I'm fully ready for winter break. lol. I'm having a "why did I decide to persue English?" moment. I understood from the beginning it would be a lot of writing. I guess I was naive to think it wouldn't be an un-doable amount of reading also. But I'm feeling a little overloaded. I'm just extremely happy that I didn't take more than 12 credits. I almost signed up for another class- just because only one of the classes I'm taking is actually going to be usable towards my degree-- but I can't imagine how totally overwhelmed I would have been with a Medieval Readings class thrown in.

But I went to a very cool lecture last night, which is a required part of my ENG325 class. The lecture was called "The Technology of Reading" and it explored some cool topics. For instance, I didn't know that humans shouldn't be able to read. We aren't "hard wired" for it, but somehow we manage to do it. Also, that revolutionary electronic book that everyone is so excited (the Kindle, just to name one) is actually very conservative. There are some books it wouldn't be able to play. Pretty much any book that has footnotes is out of reach for the "revolutionary" Kindle. (I enjoyed this part of the lecture especially, since I'm anti-Kindle because it takes away from bookstore sales and ultimately author sales).

The professor also made us aware of some pretty cool websites. I'll share them with you:

wefeelfine.org

This website is really awesome. The creator has this program that scans blogs (such as this one) and anytime it comes across the words "I feel..." it copies it to the website. They've composed a website full of emotions, basically. You can go to any date during the year and search any emotion and something will pop up. It's really cool... go check it out.

thewhalehunt.org

This is a mixture of cool and boring. This guy spent a week in Barrow, Alaska (I'm still trying to figure out why anyone would live in Barrow, Alasaka, but that's beside the point). As many of you might know, Alaska is pretty much full of eskimo's. He spent a week with an Inuit(spelt wrong, I'm sure) family who has special permission to hunt whales because that's how they pretty much make their living. He took his trusty camera along with him. Cool/boring thing is, he had it set to take pictures every 5 minutes. Faster, if his heart rate went up. This is cool because while they were actually out on the whale hunt, the camera was taking pictures like every thirty seconds. This is not so cool because it took pictures every 5 minutes even while he slept. In all, there's like 3214 pictures, or something ridiculous like that. The latter part is the more interesting...that's when the get the whale and start slaughtering it. Faint of heart, skip this one.

http://www.yhchang.com/BUST_DOWN_THE_DOORS!.html

Play that one on a computer with sound. It's a poem that's repeated eight or nine times and the pronouns change everytime. By the last time, it sounds kind of psychotic. And the music totally adds to the feeling.

There are a couple more I want to share, but the computers at work don't have the graphic cards to support the websites, so I'll post them later after I make sure the links work.

Happy Thursday!